


Missed Signs and Missed Connections

by Jessi_aka_pyro



Category: Be More Chill, Be More Chill - Iconis/Tracz
Genre: ? - Freeform, Christine is a good bro, Depression, Drug Use, Eventual Romance, Filipino Michael Mell, Jeremy is oblivious, M/M, Michael is a sad boi, Michael-centric, Might finish this, Post play, Rating will probably go up, Started it while high, You'll have to pry that hc from my cold dead fingers, boyf riends — Freeform, haven't decided - Freeform, maybe Rich/Jake, sad!Michael, shameless video game references
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-09-23
Updated: 2017-12-21
Packaged: 2019-01-04 15:06:54
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 8
Words: 20,734
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12171303
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Jessi_aka_pyro/pseuds/Jessi_aka_pyro
Summary: Jeremy still texted him and hung out sometimes. But he also started to hang out with his other friends. He’d tried inviting Michael with him the first month or so, but as Michael usually stayed at Jeremy’s side, hood up and headphones on, Jeremy seemed to have gotten the message that Michael didn’t exactly feel welcome. Not that the group wasn’t friendly to him, now apparently all connected or some shit, but … because... he wasn’t. Connected.





	1. Chapter 1

**Chapter 1**

 

Staring at the ceiling, Michael readjusted the headphones on his head. He was spread out across his floor, legs and arms outstretched, as his phone sat to the left of him, on the charger and playing a live broadcast of LO-Fi/ambient fluid-like tunes; a small pipe and lighter to the right, the pipe a dark blue, white stars twinkling along it, and smoke curling up into the slightly hazy room he occupied. Michael raised the glass piece to his lips once more, taking a deep breath in, holding for five seconds, and blowing it back out, a tiny mindless smile twisting up his lips. He sighed lightly as he set the pipe back down, arm immediately returning to it’s previous out stretched position.

 

He felt so… melancholy. Despite his usually happy and at peace behavior, Michael, like most kids his age, was lost to an existence riddled with anxiety and insecurities. He just wasn’t going to be overly dramatic about it like the rest of his youth. Everyone experienced some sort of strong emotion they couldn’t handle. He wasn’t special. With some mental disorder or colorful quirk, showing he was different from the crowd.

 

But that was okay. Michael didn’t need confirmation whether or not he was ‘special. He had -

 

Michael was pulled from his fleeing thoughts. Why had he come down to his basement to get high in the first place. Why he went to the basement when his parents weren’t even home? Michael had no idea honestly. It was just something he did. Something that felt right. This was his favorite room anyway. He and Jer-  _ God damnit _ . There he goes, getting off topic again.

 

But wait. No that was the topic. _ Jeremy. _ His best friend. Whom he was disgustingly in love with.

 

It was kind of pathetic really. He couldn’t love Jeremy. Even if he and Christine had broken up. Michael was… He cringed at the thought. He was still  _ angry  _  with Jeremy. He didn’t want to admit it, as just the sentence alone made him nauseous. He couldn’t help it though! As much as Michael had tried to forgive his friend, he could remember that night. In the bathroom.  _ In the bathroom. _

 

Jeremy had said it himself.  _ The Squip was gone _ at that point. And yet…

 

_ “Get out of my way. ...Loser.” _

 

His breath caught and his chest grew a little tight as the scene played out in his head. Michael had only  _ thought  _ he felt bad at the time. At first it had gone away. After weeks of torture, it had disappeared. And been replaced with something akin to a fire. Urging him to take charge and get back his best friend.

 

But then Jeremy had started dating Christine.

 

It hadn’t bothered Michael at first. He figured Jeremy was straight. He made it pretty clear with his declarations of love often enough. But Jer was happy with her. And if he was happy, Michael was happy. Just to be part of Jeremy’s life was enough for him. But then Jeremy started ignoring him. Again.

 

Without that stupid Glorified toaster.

 

It wasn’t all at once. Starting with tiny “Oh I was busy with Christine” or “Sorry man, Later? I’m not feeling great.” Michael didn’t think any of it. Jeremy had just gone through an ordeal. He had his first girlfriend. His dad was trying to dad for once. Who was Michael to judge him for needing a break. But then it started escalating from every so often to almost twice a week. Almost always with Christine.

 

And then they had broken up. Christine said she just couldn’t like him romantically. They split off as friends. As sad as Michael was for his two friends ended relationship, he couldn’t deny the small tinge of selfishness at the excitement he felt from their breakup. He assumed things would go back how they were. Just him and Jer. Michael wasn’t even mad anymore. In his eyes, everything was solved and he was lucky Jer was even in his life to begin with.

 

… But. That’s not how things went. Jeremy still texted him and hung out sometimes. But he also started to hang out with his  _ other friends _ . He’d tried inviting Michael with him the first month or so, but as Michael usually stayed at Jeremy’s side, hood up and headphones on, Jeremy seemed to have gotten the message that Michael didn’t exactly feel welcome. Not that the group wasn’t friendly to him, now apparently all connected or some shit, but … because... he wasn’t. Connected.

 

Michael was… awkward. Over excited. Loud but quiet at the most important times.  _ A loser _ . Jeremy may not think so, but he’s cool. He’s so much better than Michael and now his stupid new group has a stupid link that Michael wasn’t apart of because he wasn’t stupid enough to swallow random drugs.

 

Other than at school, Michael had seen Jeremy a total of one time this week. It was to drive him to Jake’s house. And even at school, he usually just gets a pat on the shoulder and short distracted conversation about weekend plans.

 

The scene kept replaying though his head, on repeat. Right now Michael was  _ convenient _ . How long until one of his other friends offer him a ride to school? Jeremy was supposed to be here right now. It was saturday.  _ Game all night night.  _ But it wasn’t much of a surprise. Jeremy had been absent from Michael’s hazy basement for about a month now. Before all of this bullshit, there hadn’t gone more than a week that Jeremy hadn’t slept over between. Now the record stood at twenty-seven days.

 

Michael sighed and took another long inhale from the glass pipe. Scratch that. Today made twenty-eight.

 

And yet Michael was  _ still _ in love with him. His chest ached. Michael missed Jeremy. And not new popular Jeremy, that everyone was forced to see the greatness in. But the old Jeremy. Who was only slightly disturbed at being a loser. Who got high and played games with him on saturday nights. And got huffy when Michael took too long to pee on said nights, saying shit like “IS YOUR PISS TRYING TO SABOTAGE OUR NIGHT? THE LONGER YOU TAKE, THE LESS TIME WE HAVE TO BEAT THIS LEVEL, MELL.”

 

Who took the time to pay attention to him. Who stopped by out of the blue to check up on him, worried when the distance between them lasted longer than forty eight hours. Who… Actually missed him.

 

Michael’s eyes welled up as his chest seized up and lip started to tremble. He bit his cheek. There was no point in this.

 

And yet as he willed away the emotion of such intense betrayal and sadness, a tear or two escaped, trailing down his darkened skin. He took in a deep breath, eyes slipping shut. He didn’t care. About any of it. It wouldn’t hurt if he didn’t think about it. His finger twitched, as it did when he was stressed, looking for a joint shaped object to calm him. Michael took it as a sign to take one more hit, before sitting up slowly and putting away the paraphernalia. By the time he made it to the spare mattress in the basement, his head was heavy and fingers buzzing. Michael flopped face first onto the mattress, phone held tightly in his hand. He rolled to his back staring at a new part of the ceiling.

 

He thought about calling Jeremy. Asking him to come over. But that was stupid. He was probably busy with his  _ new friends _ .

 

...but… Maybe a text wouldn’t hurt. Even if Jer was busy with his friends, he wouldn't feel nearly as pressured by a text. Michael wasn’t stealing much of his time away.

 

He sent a simple, “ **What are you doing?** ” text.

 

Putting the phone down, Michael bit his lip, closing his eyes again. Focusing on the smooth ambience going through him, really helped calm his nerves from the phone. At least until it Alerted him to a text with the Metal Gear Solid alert sound.

 

He should look at it. Right? Yeah. The worst Jeremy could say is that he’s busy. Michael’s chest tightened again. Okay so maybe that  _ would _ be pretty bad. He took a shuddering breath and lifted the phone’s screen to his line of vision, unlocking it with a swipe.

 

**From: Player 2 <3 11:22pm** **  
** **Just chilln w Rich. Y whats up?**

 

Michael felt his breath hitch as he rolled to his side, ignoring the discomfort he felt as his headset dug uncomfortably into the side of his head. Should he reply? There wasn’t really a point. But if he didn’t Jeremy would think something was wrong. And… even if he was upset right now, the last thing he’d want is to give Jeremy a reason to be  _ upset _ with him. To start to see Michael as more of a burden than he already was. He was deadweight. Holding back Jeremy’s potential. That’s why the Squip had blocked him, right? Why Jeremy had chosen to continue to ignore him. When he was with Jer he didn’t feel like a loser. He felt normal and accepted. But lately… Losers didn’t have any friends. How long would it be until Michael didn’t have his friend?

 

He must’ve taken too long to reply, as another text came in, causing Michael’s eyes to shoot up to the brightened screen.

 

**From: Player 2 <3 11:29pm**

**Mike? Whats up man u ok? Whered u go**

 

Taking a deep breath, Michael forced himself to respond, trying to sound normal and not like he was desperately missing his best friend on a lonely saturday night.

 

**From: Player 1 11:31pm**

**Sorry was playing Sonic Mania. Was just curious, don’t worry about it. Tell Rich I say hi :)**

 

There. That was good. He scrolled up their conversation looking at the last time they’d texted.

 

**Player 12:23pm**

**Hey man. Just got overwatch. Wanna come over?**

 

**Player 2 <3 4:32pm**

**Noo sry! Promised Jake Id help him clean up his hous b4 his parnts get back**

 

**Player 1 4:34pm**

**Oh okay no worries**

 

**Player 2 <3 4:40pm**

**Sry again Mike maybe nxt time?**

 

**Player 1 4:41pm**

**Yeah. Sure.**

 

**Player 2 <3 4:50pm**

**Cool?? Sat is game night rite see u then! :D**

 

**Player 4:52pm**

**Yeah. See you.**

 

That was on Sunday. Michael sighed heavily, pulling at the strings of his hoodie. Jeremy hadn’t brought it up since. ANd now here he was. Alone. And Jeremy was at Rich’s house. Probably playing xbox with him. His cooler friend. This time when the tears sprang up, Michael didn’t fight them. This was it. He was losing his best friend. Without that stupid computer chip. His phone pinged with another message. Michael was almost afraid to read it. He wiped hastily at his damp eyes and scrolled back down.

 

**From: Player 2 <3 11:38pm**

**WHAT YOU GOT IT Michael Mell y tf didnt you tell me**

 

He stared at the text longer than he should have. Anger coiled in his stomach, but only long enough for it to transcend into deep sadness. He did tell Jeremy. At lunch. Yesterday. But Jeremy had just grinned and said, “Cool!” Turning back to laugh at some shit Jake had said. That wasn’t even funny.

 

Michael had left lunch early that day. Jeremy just waved him off.

 

He’d toss his phone if it wasn’t playing music, his only reprieve. So instead, Michael set his phone to silent, shoving it beneath his pillow so he wouldn’t have to see it. He turned the volume up higher on his head set, pulling the covers he was laying above over his head to give him the illusion of darkness, despite the glow of the lava lamp in the corner of the room. Maybe if it was dark enough he could trick himself into believing Jeremy was still here. Sleeping maybe. Softly breathing curling up on the bean bag chair.

 

It didn’t work. And instead left Michael feeling more lost. His throat tightened and nose tingled as his eyes filled with tears again. He finally gave into the first shuddering sob of the night, leading t a barrage of emotions overwhelming him until he was left dry heaving into his pillow, clutching it tightly.

 

He missed Jeremy. He missed having a friend. He missed… not feeling like such a loser. He missed not being alone.


	2. Chapter 2

**Chapter 2**

 

He awoke on sunday with an itchy face and a croaky voice, tears and snot caked on uncomfortably. His head phones had fallen off sometime during the night, leaving a feeling of vulnerability and confusing in his gut. After a few minutes of contemplating the pros and cons of getting up, Michael sat up with a heavy sigh, readjusting his hoodie. No point in going out. Not like he had anyone waiting for him. His chest clenched at that, but he needed to pee. And crying while peeing was… not ideal. So Michael pushed away the feeling and got up, legs shaky from sleep, and made his way upstairs to the only bathroom in the house. After relieving himself, he made his way back downstairs to retrieve his phone and headset, tired of the odd light feeling around his neck. That was apparently a mistake however.

 

Three unread messages appeared on his phone. Both from Jeremy because, who else would ever think to text him. Michael opened them with a shaky breath.

 

**From: Player 2 <3 10:38am**

**Hey! Think u can gimme a ride 2 the zoo around 12? Brooke and chloe r goin. U can come to :)**

 

**From: Player 2 <3 12:06pm**

**Hey Mike u commin? Thyre abt 2 leave.**

 

**From: Player 2 <3 12:11pm**

**Nvm Jake gave me a ride**

 

He missed his chance. Granted Michael wanted nothing to do with the other people, he might’ve came with just to hang out with Jeremy. He new how excited the boy got around the tigers.

 

...but would he still? Around his new friends? Michael growled as he felt more tears spring up. He was such a cry baby today. He turned the volume back up and shoved the phone back into his pocket. It was only 1:23. Maybe they were still there. He could still go. Maybe he should call and ask? Even if Jeremy’s friends were there. He had asked him to come. Even if it was just for a ride, Jeremy wanted him there, right? Maybe … With a quick sniff, Michael wiped his face and took a deep breath, pulling his phone back out and calling Jeremy without a second to doubt himself.

 

His breath shortened with every ring. What if Jeremy didn’t answer? What if  _ he did answer _ ? What if  **_someone else answered his phone?_ ** Michael closed his eyes, sitting down on the bed to give himself more control over the situation. It felt like years, but finally the phone beeped and the call was answered.

 

There was a lot of chatter in the background, but Michael didn’t care. Jeremy had answered and it was just… so nice to hear him.

 

“Hey, Michael! Why didn’t you answer earlier? Did you get any of my texts?”

 

“Uh- Yeah. Sorry, I was asleep.”

 

“Oh haha stayed up too long playing Sonic, huh?”

 

Michael looked down, pulling at the strings of his hoodie again. Maybe this wasn’t such a good idea. “M-Maybe. Hey listen so I was wondering-”

 

“Uh hold on, Michael. Brooke was asking me something-” He heard the phone shuffle as Jeremy spoke to his friend. His voice came back and Michael could already feel the bad news coming on. “Hey I’m gonna have to call you back, okay buddy? We’re about to go see the gorillas!”

 

“Oh. Okay.”

 

“Oh wait! What were you about to ask?”

 

“Uhm, Don’t worry about it-”

 

“Okay, okay! I’m coming! Sorry, I have to go, Mike! See you at school!”

 

And the call was ended before Michael could even say good bye. With a sudden burst of anger, he threw the phone across the room with a shout, biting back tears. He let it happen  _ again _ . He was left behind and Jeremy didn’t even  _ care. _ His breath hitched as he stood up, going after his phone. That was stupid… without his phone how would he listen to his music.

 

Michael deliberately ignored the sting in his eyes as they overflowed, picking up his phone and putting the back back on. The screen was cracked. Much like his life. He almost preferred when Jeremy was straight up ignoring him. At least them he wasn’t teased with the almost friendly interactions before Jeremy was violently ripped away from him.

 

He stood up, grabbing his head phones and made his way back upstairs into the main part of the house, not for the first time wishing his mom was home. But unfortunately she worked full time in some stupid office building in one town over. So she wasn’t really home a lot. Just enough to drop him some cash to spend on food and gas and pay their landlord before going to sleep and then back to work. So the small two bedroom house was usually pretty empty. It was great when Jeremy was here but… well.

 

He wiped at his face for what seemed to be the hundredth time and made his way to his actual room, putting his phone in the speaker/charging dock and putting on a playlist before tossing his headset aside and getting beneath his covers. Maybe he’d change and eat later. Right now he just wanted to not exist for awhile.

 

He called in on Monday, not yet ready to face the outside world, choosing instead to lay in bad all day.

 

That night his mom called asking him why he wasn’t at school. He lied and said he was sick, but knew he’d have to go to school the next day.

 

After a much needed shower and change of clothes, Michael felt a little better. Jeremy hadn’t texted him at all yesterday. Not a surprise but…. Michael still felt some negativity from it. He grabbed a hot pocket from the freezer. Not exactly breakfast food but eh. It’ll work. 

 

He sat in his driveway longer than necessary, going to turn the key before pulling back. This was stupid. It was just school. Even if Jeremy didn’t want to hang out with him, he still needed to go. Finally, he started the car, pulling out, and turning onto the road. But if he stopped to get a much needed slush on the way, well then who could blame him. The slushie lady had been surprised to see him, but grinned none the less, saying, “It’s nice to see you back, little dude. My morning isn’t the same without getting harassed for being out of blue raspberry at 7am!” At least someone missed him.

 

He pulled into his usual spot at the back of the parking lot and waited until the last possible minute, staring terrifyingly at the tall impending high school building. Would Jeremy even be looking for him? Would he ask why Michael wasn’t there yesterday? Did he even notice?

 

A knock on his window had him yelping as he jumped, slushie almost spilling out of his hand. Michael turned, wide eyed, to his window. It was- Christine? Michael frowned, brow furrowing. He rolled down his window, fighting back the urge to pull up his hood.

 

She returned his frown, but this instead was one of worry rather than one of confused irritation. “Michael! Hey, I was just wondering where you were yesterday? We didn’t see you around school. Are you okay?”

 

She was… worried? What the fuck? Michael shrugged, playing with the cord of his head phones. “Yeah. Sorry, I was sick. DIdn’t feel like coming in.”

 

“Oh. Well I’m glad you’re feeling better! It was so weird at lunch when you weren’t there.”

 

Michael grimaced. Like Jeremy even noticed. Weird? More like better. Maybe he should call in more often.

 

A throat clearing pulled him from his thoughts. “Aren’t you supposed to be going to class right now? The bell should ring in like five minutes.”

 

“O-oh, right!” Michael scrambled from his car, yanking the headphone cord from his phone back accident. He swore under his breath and reconnected them, pulling on his backpack. Christine giggled.

 

Flushing, Michael shut the door to his Cruiser and turned towards her. What did he do now? “What? Did my pants rip or something?”

 

“Oh- oh no! Just, you never washed off the ‘riend’ on your back pack! I don’t know why that made me laugh, honestly. Sorry.”

 

Michael looked at his back pack with a shrug. “Oh. I didn’t think about it. Doesn’t make much sense now though. I know Jeremy washed his off immediately.”

 

“Yeah, too bad. I thought it was cute.”

 

Michael raised an eyebrow, starting to walk towards the school, resigned to the fact his walk would apparently be filled with Christine. “Cute?”

 

“Well yeah! It said ‘Boyfriends’ right? I thought it was cute! If I had someone as close as you and Jeremy, I might do the same thing! Kind of like best friend necklaces, ya know.”

 

“Too bad…,” Michael mumbled, eyes downcasted.  _ As close as you and Jeremy _ . Right. As if they were still close. Besides. There was a big difference between Boyfriends and Best friends. Christine seemed to pick up on what he was thinking. At least part of it.

 

“Say, speaking of that, I haven’t seen you guys together as much. I mean When we were dating All Jeremy would do is talk about you. I guess it’s just odd seeing you two apart now. After hearing about how often you’re together and everything you two went through in the past year.”

 

Michael shrugged, ignoring the mixed signals his heart was feeling. Jeremy talked about him? To Christine? But he still wouldn’t talk to him for longer than five minutes now…

 

“He uh… he talked about me?” is what he decided to ask.

 

“Oh yeah! Honestly, if we weren’t together, I would’ve thought you two were dating!”

 

“Yeah, well Jeremy isn’t gay,” Michael said with maybe too much bitterness, but he couldn’t help it. “And I’m not his only friend anymore. So don’t be so surprised when you see me alone.” Okay so maybe a lot of salt went into that one. At Christine's shocked expression, not expecting the upset reaction she got from him, Michael rolled his eyes, finally giving in to his hood, pulling it far over his head to shield him from the people around him. “Sorry, Christine, but I need to get to class.” With that he took off at a light sprint down the hallway to get away. He’d already revealed too much.

 

Maybe if he kept his music up loud he could get through the rest of the school day without much more interaction.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well uhh since the last chapter got such positive reviews I decided to try my luck and upload chapter 2 today? I was gonna wait a week to upload but uhh yeah here we are :) I hope it lives up to the expectations of the last chapter? And thank you to everyone that took the time to read, kudos, and comment. That honestly means so fucking much to me.


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Notes at the beginning this time because hey! Tw homophobic slurs!-and a bit of violence!-stay safe you guys!
> 
> I'm not really sure how I feel about this chapter? And I kind of threw in the last bit at the last minute so... But eh I'm too lazy to go and fix it and I really liked how I did the next chapter so :) I hope you guys enjoyed this one?

**Chapter 3**

 

Time seemed to slow as he neared the lunch hall. How would Jeremy react? Did Christine say anything about this morning? Would there even be a seat left? Maybe he should turn back and go eat outside. Was he even hungry? He could just leave and-

 

Michael shook his head. No. Running would do nothing. He tugged his hoodie down but kept the headphones on, selecting a quieter playlist so he could still hear if someone spoke to him, and made his way into the cafeteria.

 

The lunch table they usually occupied was there, just where Michael remembered. Their new odd group of friends were already there, all talking excitedly while cramming food in their mouths. No one noticed him as he approached. Slowly, Michael made his way into the open seat next to Jeremy. Christine seemed to catch him as he sat down, smiling brightly.

 

“Michael! Hi! We were wondering when you’d show up!”

 

_ Yeah right. _ Michael smiled politely back, giving her a small wave. Jeremy also looked over, smiling. “Hey man! Where were you yesterday? Did you fall asleep in the library again or something?”

 

He stared at Jeremy, blinking. He noticed? Even if it was only for that one moment when they were forced to see each other, he did and that… meant more to Michael then he wanted to admit. He shrugged and pulled out his phone, opening apps and pretending to be invested in them. “Oh uhh I was sick. I wasn’t here.”

 

Jeremy frowned. “Sick? Why didn’t you text me? Are you okay? Now that you mention it you do look a little tired…”

 

Michael shrugged again.  _ Didn’t think you’d care. _

 

“Hey Michael?” Christine asked. Michael looked up, raising an eyebrow. He moved one headphone off of his ear to better hear her from across the table. “I’m glad you’re back. You may not say much, but it’s not the same without you here.”

 

Flushing slightly, Michael pushed the headphone back on, smiling at the girl. Okay so maybe Christine wasn’t all that bad as far as Jeremy’s new friends went. “Thanks,” He mumbled out, going back to his phone. Jeremy smiled too, patting Michael’s shoulder, but his attention was quickly pulled away by Chloe’s loud laugh at something Brooke had said. His hand slipped off, but that was okay with Michael.

 

He just… couldn’t understand. Was he jealous of Jeremy’s friends? Was he mad at Jeremy? Sometimes he was. And sometimes it was the former that was true. Sometimes it was neither and Michael was instead mad at himself. Well… honestly Michael was always mad at himself, but that’s beside the point. Michael was so tired of moping though. He was tired of staying up every night wondering if tonight Jeremy was going to remember him. He glanced up watching his best friend converse with these strangers. They were all happy and laughing at something Brooke had said. Apparently she was on a roll today. He subtly clicked the volume button on his phone to turn up the music. Maybe if he could drown out their laughs he’d feel better. Isolate himself in a world of music where even if something was sad at least it sounded nice.

 

Surprise surprise when it didn’t work. He stared back at his phone with a frown.

 

A foot was tapping on his suddenly, but when Michael looked up, no one was paying attention to him.  _ Per usual _ he thought bitterly. But then a paper slid in front of him, pink nails sliding back to her side of the table. Michael looked up at Christine with confusion. She was deeply engrossed in a conversation with Rich however.

 

Michael looked down at the paper.

 

**_Wanna talk?_ **

 

Below that was a number attached.

 

He looked back up at her, but again she appeared to be paying no attention to him. Michael shrugged and added the number into his phone, pocketing the paper. Yay! Now he had a total of seven contacts in his phone!

 

**Christine ??**

 

**Granddad :D**

 

**Guy from Spencers :3**

 

**Mom :)**

 

**Player 2 <3**

 

**PSN T-T**

 

**7/11 corporate D: <**

 

He texted her three question marks, turning back to watch Jeremy interact with his friends. Now they were focused on Jake who seemed to be telling some sort of epic tale with his hands. His phone buzzed not a minute later and Michael had to think  _ how the fuck does she type so fast? _

 

**From: Christine ?? 12:14pm**

**Are you okay? You just looked really sad.**

 

**From: Michael 12:14pm**

**I’m fine. Tired. Why did you give me your number? You could’ve just asked me.**

 

Her reply came almost instantly. He noticed her hands beneath the table, arms moving slightly. However, never dropping a second in her conversation with Rich. It was impressive honestly.

 

**From: Christine ?? 12:14pm**

**Just thought you’d prefer this way. Are you sure you’re oky? It’s alright if you’re not.**

 

**From: Christine ?? 12:15pm**

**After this morning I’ve been pretty worried to be honest. In fact I’m pretty sure you’re a lot more expressive when it’s just you and Jeremy in the hallway. Did you two get into a fight?**

 

Michael rolled his eyes, glancing up again. Christine shot him another smile before focusing back on Rich. His phone buzzed again.

 

**From: Christine ?? 12:15pm**

**No pressure. You don’t have to tell me if you don’t want to. But sometimes having an outside onion can help alot.**

 

**From: Christine 12:16pm**

**Opinion** Sorry about that.**

  
  


Michael smiled slightly and started back a reply.

 

**From: Michael 12:16pm**

**Maybe. I’m fine really. But. Maybe talking to someone might help. You don’t have to though.**

 

**From: Christine ?? 12:17pm**

**Pfft no you’re fine sweetie. Girls help each other out all the time! Who says I can’t help out a bro as well?**

 

**From: Michael 12:17pm**

**Oh I’m a bro now? You barely know me.**

 

**From Christine ?? 12:17pm**

**But I’d like to get to know you :) Mind hanging out with me after school today?**

 

**From: Michael 12:18pm**

**Sure? We can go over to my house. And I can give you a ride home later.**

 

**From: Christine ?? 12:18pm**

**Awesome! I’ll meet you at your car, okay?**

 

Michael replied back with his confirmation, looking back up. Still no one had noticed him. He sighed in relief. That seemed to have drawn Jeremy’s attention however and  _ (fucking really? You notice a sigh?)  _ had him looking down at Michael in concern. Michael couldn’t hear what he was saying though, and slid off his headphone, wincing slightly when he realised just how loud they were, the song now blasting out as they no longer were being contained in his destroyed ear canal.

 

“Uhh What? Sorry I didn’t hear you.”

 

Jeremy laughed, shaking his head. “Just asking if you’re alright. You sounded not so good there. If you think you need to go home, do it. I’m sure your mom would understand.”

 

Michael shrugged, shoving his hands in his pockets. “I’m okay. Just tired.”

 

Jeremy frowned. Then furrowed his brow, as if just realising something. “Hey, where’s your lunch?”

 

“Forgot it.”

 

“Why didn’t you run over to seven eleven then? That’s what you usually do when you forget your lunch.”

 

Michael shrugged again, biting the inside of his cheek. The others seemed to be taking attention to him now. “Wasn’t feeling all that hungry.”

 

Jeremy rolled his eyes, sliding his tray over. A half eaten sandwich, cup of water, and untouched apple sat on it. “Here dude. You need to eat man.”

 

“Jer, I’m fine. Really. Won’t you be hungry?”

 

Jeremy glared, crossing his arms. “If you don’t eat it, I’m throwing it away. So might as well make it useful.”

 

Michael too rolled his eyes and pulled his headphones back on, but he couldn’t fight the tiny smile from sitting on his lips as he picked up the apple. Okay so maybe he hadn’t lost his best friend. He was just… distracted a lot.

 

A hand ruffled through his hair before Jeremy was pulled away again by something Rich said, but Michael didn’t mind so much this time. He could still feel the warmth from Jeremy's palm on his head. So what of Jeremy had other friends now. He still cared about Michael. Maybe today wasn’t so bad.

 

As the final bell rolled around, Michael could feel his anxiety kicking up again. He was supposed to hang out with Christine, right? What would they even talk about? Him most likely. When was the last time Michael even hung out with someone that wasn’t Jeremy? What if he said something stupid and lost his footing with the one friend of Jer’s that he could tolerate? What if-

 

The bell rang, pulling Michael from his thoughts. The class was immediately out the door, leaving Michael to be the last one, trailing behind. He didn’t mind though. He never understood the rush of the other students. Rushing only made it more irritating trying to all squeeze past the door. Just the thought of being stuck in the after school crowd made his skin crawl.

 

He made it to his locker without incident, pulling his books from his bag to keep locked up when a piece of paper fluttered down. Michael frowned, leaning down to pick it up. His body stiffened.

 

It was a crude picture of him crying in a bathtub.

 

With a deep breath, Michael pocketed the picture, counting to ten in his head. He had been hoping no one had heard that and/or forgotten it with all the commotion Rich had caused. But as he could clearly see Dustin laughing a few lockers down, it apparently wasn’t

 

“Hey, what’s wrong, fag? Gonna cry about porn and offing yourself again?”

 

Michael rolled his eyes, fighting the urge to pull his hood up. He shouldn’t say anything back but… “Gotta problem, Dustin? At least I don’t leave shitty drawings in people’s lockers when I’m feeling left out.”

 

Dustin grunted and walked over, hands balled. “Wanna talk back to me again, you little prick? Just because your boyfriend is in with the cool kids doesn't stop me from putting you in your place.”

 

Michael slinked back slightly, but from his face you'd never tell he was frightened. “Fuck you, Dustin. What do you want.”

 

Dustin smirked, crossing his arms intimidatingly. “I want you to stop being so fucking chummy with Rich and Jake and them. It’s bullshit that that Jerry kid and a fucking stoner can just get in with them so easily. What’d yall do? Suck their dicks? Do their homework?”

 

Michael’s irritation grew and he was suddenly about five seconds from punching this prick. “Why the fuck do you care? And his name is  _ Jeremy _ .”

 

A fist collided with the locker beside Michael’s head causing him to jump. Dustin glared at him threateningly. “What did I say about talking back? Wanna get punched in that smart mouth?”

 

But Michael just couldn’t stop. “Would that make you shut the hell up?”

 

Dustin saw red and reeled back, as promised. A fire of pain lit up in Michael’s mouth as his head slammed back into the locker. His ears rang as his jaw throbbed. He desperately held back the stinging in his eyes.

 

Dustin pulled away as a teacher turned down the hall, walking away. “Better watch your fucking back, fag. I’m onto you,” he called as he left. Michael immediately pulled his headphones and hood up. He didn’t have time to deal with this shit. But apparently today just wasn’t his day, as when he got to his car, Christine was immediately by his side.

 

“Hey Michael, what took you so- oh mY GOD. What happened? Are you okay? Lemme see!”

 

Michael flinched back from her hand, shaking his head. He nodded towards his car, side stepping her second advance. “Can we just- Go? Please?”

  
Biting her lip, Christine nodded, getting in the passenger seat. For once Michael was glad Jeremy had been getting other rides home. He could just imagine his friends reaction.  _ Damn… and at first today was going so well… _


	4. Chapter 4

**Chapter 4**

 

They arrived at his house in silence. Michael could practically feel Christine’s questions. He shut the door wish a slam, vaguely wishing he’d thought to stop and get a slushie. But by the caked on dirt feeling on his upper lip and coppery taste on his teeth, it probably wasn’t the best idea. No need to freak out that cute Slushie girl. Besides. It  _ hurt _ . His whole face really. Who knew getting punched in the mouth hurt that bad. He needed some ibuprofen. He needed some weed and video games honestly.  _ God  _ That sounded like heaven right now.

 

Michael lead Christine inside, going immediately to the bathroom to look at the damage. He pulled down his hood and cringed at both what he saw and at CHristine’s gasp. It was definitely worse than he thought. His nose was bleeding and teeth were covered in a light tinge of red. Christine hesitated as she edged herself further into the bathroom. “Michael?” She asked in a nervous voice.

 

Michael sighed and glanced towards her.

 

“Uhm. Do you need me to help?”

 

Michael shook his head, quickly cleaning himself up with a wash rag and paper towel. Then after popping in a couple of painkillers, closed his eyes with a sigh. He was exhausted. Maybe he should call in tomorrow again and just say he’s still not feeling great.

 

“Sorry about that,” he offered Christine, but she shook her head.

 

“That’s alright. Can you tell me what happened though? Did you fall somewhere?”

 

He felt the paper in his pocket. It felt like a lead weight, dragging him down to his demise. “No. Uhm. I got punched.” Before she could question him however, Michael slipped past, grabbing a water from the fridge and motioning for her to follow him down stairs to the basement. Christine did though she was frowning the entire time. “What? By who! Did you tell a teacher?”

 

Michael rolled his eyes. Tell a teacher. Right. Because that would help. “It doesn’t matter. I just know who to avoid now.”

 

“But Michael, I’m sure if you just tell someone, then maybe they’d-”

 

“It won’t do shit, Christine!”

 

Her eyes widened as he shouted, Michael only then realising his offensive stance, fists balled and eyes lit up. He stepped back with a slow intake of breath, eyes slipping shut. “Fuck. I’m sorry. I’m just- stressed.” He turned away from her where he kept his illegal substances, and started to pull out said items. Christine frowned.

 

“That’s okay. You don’t have to tell me, but Michael… are you sure you should be doing that stuff?”

 

His eyes flicked up to hers, genuine shock in place. Right. Some people were against it. Again, it’d been so long since Michael had hung out with someone that wasn’t Jeremy. And well… Jeremy had never had a problem with it. “Oh uhh sorry. Do you not like weed? I won’t smoke it if you’re uncomfortable.”

 

“I wouldn’t say I’m uncomfortable…. Just never really been around it. Isn’t it like really bad for you?”

 

Michael made a ‘pfft’ sound with his lips, ignoring the slight pain it caused, and loaded a small bowl. “Nah man. That’s just scare tactics your parents feed you. It’s definitely not for everyone, but It’s more healthy than alcohol or cigarettes.”

 

She hummed in thought, moving to sit on the open bean bag. Jeremy’s Michael noticed. He sat down cross legged in his own, pipe in hand. “Well good thing you don't mind. If you’re going to force me to talk about shit then I don’t want to be sober for this.”

 

She waited patiently for him to ‘lit up’ as the cool kids say, and take a hit. Curiously, she watched his shoulders relaxed with a practised motion as he blew out the smoke slowly. He took two more before feeling satisfied enough to set the pipe back down and look back over to her.

 

“Okay. So what do you want to talk to me about.”

 

Christine frowned. “That cannot be healthy.”

 

“Nothing is ultimately healthy. And if you're just going to keep berating me on what I do, I’m gonna ignore you and play a game.”

 

“No,no! I wasn’t- ugh nevermind.” Christine rubbed at her forehead, thinking. Michael felt a prickle of anxiety as she prepared a statement, but it was shoved back down into the deepest hole he could find. He was fine. He just needed to convince her that. And wait- when had he decided to convince her he was fine? Whatever. He was so it didn’t really matter. If he could convince her, then maybe he could start to convince himself and then it wouldn’t hurt so much to be around Jeremy’s friends.

 

Oh shit. She was staring at him now.

 

“W-what?”

 

With a soft sigh, Christine shook her head. “Nothing. You get lost in your head a lot, huh.”

 

Michael shrugged, feeling the urge to hide in his hoodie again. Why was she always like examining him? This wasn’t psychology hour or some shit. “I guess,” was his eloquent reply. He felt more and more relaxed by the minute and soon, Michael was more or less lying across the beanbag chair, twirling his headphones cord between his fingers, staring at the ceiling. He could feel her burning questions. Michael wished she’d just ask them rather than being so goddamn  _ careful _ . He wasn’t glass.

 

Christine shuffled over to sit more closer to Michael, legs crossed and picking mindlessly at the loose threads at the end of her dress. “So uhh do you do this often? Get punched in the face and come home and get high?”

 

All she got was a humorous laugh as Michael through an arm over his eyes, commenting, “Only on the bad days,” offhandedly. Christine however took the opening she seemed to be waiting for.

 

“Is that what today was? A bad day?”

 

Michael shrugged.

 

“It’s okay if it was. Whoever hit you had no right. There’s nothing wrong with being upset over it.”

 

Michael however rolled his eyes in response, turning his head from her. “I’m not upset.”

 

“Right and I’m the president.”

 

A grunt of frustration escaped him unintentionally, his fingers itching to pull up his headphones. “I’m fine, Christine. Really. Nothing is wrong.”

 

A sigh was to the left of him as a soft hand was placed on his shoulder. Michael fought the urge to pull away. “Whether you’re fine or not is up to you, but I just- Michael… You can talk to me, okay? If it’s something you can’t say to Jeremy, I’m always available. Alright?”

 

And that just… pricked at Michael’s nerves. What he couldn’t say to Jeremy? He couldn’t say anything to Jeremy right now, but it was a tuesday night and Jeremy was probably at one of  _ their _ houses and he was here. Alone. But… he wasn’t alone. Christine was here. And sure it wasn’t Jeremy, it wasn’t the same, but it was… someone. Michael took a shuddering breath, choosing to sit up. However he kept his eyes downcast and deliberately away from hers.

 

“Why do you care all of a sudden? Just a couple of months ago I didn’t even exist in your world.”

 

Christine seemed to be thinking about her answer. She took her time in grabbing Michael’s hand, soft and gentle. Not at all what he wanted but maybe it was what he needed? If the warmth he felt from it was any indication. “Michael. I may not know you all that well but… You seemed like you needed a friend. And… I feel like I owed you. After the whole Jeremy thing.”

 

Michael finally looked over to her, confusion obvious in his face.

 

She just smiled, looking slightly down. “Jeremy told me what happened. With the SQUIP and everything. I know he took the damn thing just to ask me out. And how he left you behind. That… is unforgivable really. I took him away from you. And Honestly, Michael, I could see you were kind of upset when I’d hang out with him. I know he was your friend first and I just- I felt guilty. So yeah. I’m sorry if I ever unintentionally caused you any kind of hurt.”

 

Michael had to look away again. He wasn’t mad at her. But he couldn’t deny that he hadn’t been jealous and feeling left out when She and Jeremy had been together. To hear such a heartfelt apology… after he was being kind of an ass… Michael could see why Jeremy had chosen her to fall in love with. If only temporarily. “I-” he struggled to get out. But it was hard. He wasn’t used to being so open about things like she was. Maybe it wouldn’t hurt to reach out to Christine. He knew she wouldn’t repeat anything he said here. She was too honest for that. But… sharing was so  _ hard _ . He and Jeremy had been friends for years and even then, Jeremy had only seen Michael cry a total of two times. Once when they were five and their teacher sat them across the room from each other, and again when they were eleven and Michael’s dad had to go back to the Philippines. While Michael on the other hand had seen Jeremy cry dozens of times. The boy could honestly be such a cry baby sometimes. Not that Michael had minded. He loved being able to help out his friend. And if that sometimes meant putting his emotions on hold well then fuck it, ya know? Anything for your best friend.

 

Except apparently, Jeremy didn’t quite get that memo. And now here was a pretty girl, holding his hand, waiting patiently for him to pull together his thoughts. And he was… thinking about Jeremy.

 

Michael sighed and rubbed at the temples pressed against the frames of his glasses, refusing to look up. With a shaky breath,Michael focused on the slow motions of Christine’s thumb running across the palm of his hand. He needed to talk to someone or he’d explode. And so maybe… Christine wasn’t such a bad option. She knew Jeremy. She didn’t really know Michael. She could be an open third party who could weigh things logically and tell Michael if he was being petty.

 

He couldn’t help but think that this should be Jeremy here with him, however.

 

And wowzers that really made his eyes sting.

 

He took another breath, clenching his fist in his jacket, the other holding onto hers tightly. He could do this. He didn’t have to tell her everything. Just… the stuff that was close to overflowing.

 

“I-” he tried again. Christine, squeezed his hand in encouragement. “Maybe I’m… not. O-okay.” See? That was easy. He took another deep breath, hunching further in on himself. “I-i-I mean. Like. I’m not- I’m not  _ horrible _ . I-i-” he let out a sound of frustration, trying to find the right words.  _ Fuck _ . It was only the main thing that dominated his thoughts everyday! Why was this so hard to say!

 

“Why don’t you start with something small?” Christine offered. “Like maybe why you weren’t at school yesterday?”

 

Though that certainly wasn’t a small reason, if Michael wasn’t gay as Freddy Mercury, he could kiss her right now. She was so… sweet.

 

What was wrong with starting with that though? He could just… be honest. “I uhm. I called in sick,” he mumbles, seeing her nod out of the corner of his eyes. “I didn’t think I could… see him… w-with his friends again.” Michael winced. How pathetic did that sound? Pathetic Michael upset because his best friend was getting what he wanted.

 

“With his friends? Do you not like Jeremy’s friends? You know they’re your friends too.”

 

He laughed at that, face screwing up into what could only be described at humorous disbelief. “Yeah. Right. Like if Jeremy didn’t let me hang around them, any of them would still actually acknowledge me.” Christine frowned, but she left the topic alone.

 

“Okay so why did you not want to see Jeremy with them?”

 

This time Michael shrugged again. He already knew the answer.  _ They’re stealing him away from me _ . But how to convey that without seeming like the pathetic bastard he was.

 

“Michael…,” she urged.

 

Rolling his eyes, Michael pulled his hand from her, ignoring the disappointed look he got from her, and crossed his arms. Looking pointedly away. “It’s stupid.”

 

She sighed and bumped his shoulder. “I’m sure it’s not. Your emotions aren’t stupid, Michael.”

 

He closed his eyes, biting down on his lip hard. He really wished he was alone in his basement again. But… no he didn’t. At least now he had someone to talk to. Even if he was being difficult. “Uhm. He just.  _ God  _ there’s no way to say it without it sounding  _ stupid _ .”

 

A hand was placed on his back, rubbing gently. “Hey that’s okay. Just say it how it is. I promise you, I won’t think it’s stupid.”

 

“I just… I feel like- They’re…,” he took another shuddering breath, eyes stinging again. He bit his cheek hard to keep them at bay. When did he become a damn diary? “They’re taking him away from me,” he finally forced out in a harsh whisper. He was staring resolutely at the floor, trying desperately not to cry. This was the first time he’d said it outloud. “I’m- I’m losing him. And… and I don't think I can get him back.” His voice hitched on the final word, a tear escaping. He hastily brushed it away, hoping she didn’t see.

 

“Michael…,” Christine said his name the way you did a sad child who was being ridiculous with their tantrum but it was so heartfelt you couldn’t be mad at them. Michael pulled away from her slightly, curling in on himself. She mindfully stopped touching him, but didn't move away. “That’s not stupid,” she said softly, setting Michael’s nerves on edge.

 

“I-it is though! It is stupid!” He shouted, sitting up suddenly. As if a switch had been hit. He turned towards her with desperate eyes, though he still wouldn’t meet hers. His eyes were tinged with red, but whether it was from crying or the weed, he wasn’t sure. “It’s so  _ fucking  _ stupid! I’m - I’m his best friend! I should be happy for him! I should support him and be fucking normal and hangout with him and his friends but- but I  _ can’t _ because I’m  _ a loser _ and- and I’m not cool and I don’t- I don’t fit in! They just- how long until he can’t put up with me anymore? How long until He forgets I even exist?”

 

“Michael, I’m sure that won’t hap-”

 

“It happened before!” He shouted, cutting her off. Another tear made it’s way down his cheek, but he didn’t care. Michael stood up suddenly, stumbling back slightly. He didn’t know what he was doing. Just that he needed to move. His chest tightened and breath hitched as a desperate hand went to clench tightly at his hair. How had this even happened? How had he  _ let  _ this happen? He was fine, right? He was fine and there was nothing to worry about. So what if Jeremy had new friends. So what if his new friends weren’t people that Michael was comfortable around. So what if Jeremy realised how much better off he is without Michael by his side constantly. He didn’t care that Jeremy practically forgot he even existed. It was  _ him  _ in that bathroom, not the squip. Jeremy could’ve talked to him and Michael would’ve forgave him instantly but he didn’t. He spoke the truth that night. Made Michael realise just how fucking  _ stupid _ he was. He’d never have a chance at regaining this friendship because it was quickly deteriorating before his eyes and soon there would be no friendship there to begin with. And Michael would be left alone. Again. Forced to deal with his raging emotions by himself. A single player in a two player world.

 

Michael hadn’t realised he was rambling and crying until his hand was determinately pulled out of his hair and he was pulled down into a tight hug, as uncomfortable as it was with the height difference. And this was… new. It’d been so long since someone had forced him into a hug from a panic attack. Christine pulled them down to sit on the floor, if a bit uncomfortably. His crying hadn’t stopped, but at least he wasn’t gasping for breath or anything.

 

Her fingers were pushed through his hair over and over as she held him tightly against her chest. Michael tried to pull away at first but at her tightened grip, he gave in, turning to push his face into her neck, holding her back.

 

“It’s okay, Michael. It’s okay to be mad. It’s okay to be scared. It’s okay to  _ feel _ about this whole thing. It’s alright.”

 

And that was it, right? It was  _ okay. _ Michael had spent so long suppressing his emotions and insisting he was in the wrong for being so angry with Jeremy. Yet here was Christine telling him he was right to be angry. Right to be confused. Right to battle against conflicting emotions. A sob wrenched from his throat and then the dam broke. He was grasping onto her back with big handfuls of fabric and  _ sobbing _ like he had never before. Like his life depended on it. And it felt  _ good _ . She didn’t tell him to stop, didn’t try to cheer him up, just… sat there, letting him cling to her. Whispering quiet comforts and letting him take advantage of the situation, soaking the shoulder of her dress.

 

Eventually she had led them back to the bean bag, letting Michael collapse against her, shaking and gasping. He felt exhausted but… lighter. The thought of losing Jeremy still sent his heart into a panic but… it wasn’t nearly as pressuring to think about now. 

 

He blinked heavily, sniffles still overcoming his leaking nose and rubbed at his tired, itchy eyes and- where did his glasses go? Michael dismissed the thought as he pushed up from her now damp shoulder, rubbing off the itchy tear tracks from his face. She peered at him curiously and a bit warily. Michael could feel the stare burning on his skin. He’d never been this…  _ raw _ around someone that wasn’t Jeremy be- no. He couldn’t recall ever being this way around Jeremy. The thought terrified him.

 

He rubbed at his face once more self consciously, keeping his eyes down. In a hoarse voice, he whispered, “Sorry,” at a loss of what else to say.

 

Christine sat up, shaking her head. “No, it’s okay, Michael. I didn’t mind.”

 

He stared at the blurry wet spot on her dress and cringed. “Sorry if I… ruined your dress.”

 

“Nah, it’s fine! I got it at a thrift store,” she smiled, setting Michael’s nerves at ease.

 

He nodded, clearing his throat. Okay that was enough of that then. “U-uh. Did you- Want some water or something?”

 

Christine couldn’t help but laugh, startling Michael. “N-No! I’m okay, I think it’s a little late to be offering me refreshments.”

 

Michael honest to god blushed and looked away. “I’m sorr-”

 

“Will you stop apologizing?” She smiled softly at him, Crossing her arms. She checked the time and nodded to herself. “Why don’t you go clean yourself up, then come back and we can play a game? I don’t really care which. And then in like an hour, you can take me home.”

 

Michael appreciated the suggestions. It helped his overworked brain.

 

Nodding, Michael looked around for a second, trying to spot his glasses. She seemed to understand his predicament and held up a hand to stop him, reaching back behind her to retrieve his glasses. Placing them gently on his face, Christine giggled.

 

“There you go! Sorry, I took them away because I was afraid they might get messed up.”

 

The lenses were a little blurry, smudged with tears most likely, but it didn't bother Michael much. He was just grateful to be able to see properly again. He mumbled his thanks and got up to run to the bathroom, intent on cleaning up his tired face. After that, they played a couple rounds of mario kart, Michael slowly starting to feel more like himself by the second, until it was nearing seven oclock. Michael sighed as he looked at the time. “Guess I should take you home soon.”

 

“Yeah, it is getting pretty late and I still have homework. Thank you though! For hanging out with me and all that.”

 

Michael scoffed as he stood up, slipping on his shoes and grabbing his keys. “Yeah like you wanted to spend your evening listening to me whine.” He meant it as an offhanded comment, but Christine had stopped him with a hand on his elbow. He looked back to her concerned eyes.

 

“Michael, I promise you, I did not mind in the slightest. Anytime you need to talk to me, know I’ll always make time.”

 

“U-uhm. Alright,” he forced out, but it wasn’t enough for her. She let go of him, crossing her arms.

 

“I’m your friend too now. So as a good friend, I’m here whenever you need me, you understand?”

 

This time Michael nodded more solemnly, biting the inside of his cheek.

 

“And I’d like to hope you'd do the same for me?” She tacked on with a nervous smile. Michael nodded immediately. “Y-yeah! Of course.” It was the least he could do after tonight.

 

They made it to the car without incident and Michael drove her home, laughing about some nonsense or other, and honestly it felt so… nice. When was the last time Michael had just… joked around like this? Had a meaningless conversation with a friend? Before the SQUIP that’s for sure.

 

He thanked her for everything as she exited the car, but not before making him promise to text her when he got back home. And though he was exhausted from the long day, Michael couldn’t help the smile that stayed glued to his face. He had a  _ friend _ . A friend other than Jeremy. Who could make time for him. Who remembered him. Who worried about him. Michael felt unbelievably lucky to have someone as sweet as Christine in his life. He hadn’t gotten to the root of everything and by no means was anything solved but… at least he could breathe easier now. 

  
That night he slept better than he had in a few weeks. All thanks to his new friend.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay so this is probably my favorite chapter I've written so far. And because of that this one is making me the must insecure lol I just love Christine man. And I want her and Michael to be friends!! 
> 
> But anyway. SO I do have five done and I'm working on six, but I'm going out of town tomorrow so idk when I'll be able to update next. SO if I disappear for a bit, no worries dude! I'll be back :D I'm really getting emotional over all these comments. You guys are probably the nicest fandom I've ever been in. SO yeah. Thank you for all your support and I hope everyone is having an amazing day!


	5. Chapter 5

**Chapter 5**

 

That morning, Michael's face  _ throbbed _ .  _ ‘Definitely left a bruise,’  _ he thought as he blinked back his exhaustion. Well, at least his body felt rested.

 

With a yawn, Michael swung himself up, feet touching the rough carpet. He pawed for his glasses, not yet ready to be up. But he felt… somewhat hopeful. As tiring as yesterday was, he felt… good.  _ Okay _ so maybe not  _ good.  _ But he certainly felt a lot better than he did waking up yesterday morning. So that's a plus.

 

He made it all the way to the bathroom before he smelt food. Was that… Michael would later deny the gleeful gasp he exclaimed upon smelling his mother's cooking.

 

Sliding down the hallways on a tight turn, Michael thudded against the kitchen table, causing his mother to laugh. “Couldn't even get dressed, hm?” She teased, pointing at Michael with the greasy spatula.

 

Michael flushed as he looked down to his black t shirt, space invaders boxers, and weed socks. She clicked her tongue at the latter before turning back to the stove.

 

“You know I don't like those things, Michael.”

 

He grinned, heading back towards the hallway. “You're the one who let me get them!”

 

He could just  _ hear _ her rolling her eyes.

 

After a few minutes, Michael returned, this time much calmer, fully dressed. His mom turned around smiling, placing a very delicious looking omelette in front of him. It wasn't often enough his mom had time/money to make them breakfast, so Michael couldn't help but cherish every second of it when she did.

 

The happy moment was ruined however when his mother suddenly frowned, grabbing his face and tilting it up. “What- Michael what happened?”

 

Michael pulled away frowning. He shrugged and tried to start eating, but his mom was having none of it. She slid the plate away, crossing her and. “Michael,” she insisted in a stern voice.

 

Sighing a bit dramatically, Michael looked to the side, shoving his hands in the pockets of his hoodie. “I'm  _ fine _ , mom. I just fell at school, okay?”

 

She kept frowning, shaking her head. “I know you don't think I'm that stupid, Michael. I thought you said the bullies had stopped? I know a bruise from a punch when I see one.” Michael winced, shooting her a glare. The woman softened, placing a hand on Michael's arm.

 

“Sorry,” she apologized. “You know I didn't mean to- look, just. Be careful, okay? I worry about you. I know you think you're tough and can take care of yourself but… give me a break, okay? I can't always be home and it terrifies me coming home to see my son all beaten up. You understand right?” Michael nodded. He knew she meant well. Even if she wasn't exactly saying the right things, at least she was trying. “I love you,” she added, catching his chin slightly.

 

Michael smiled a little, getting one on return as she slid the plate back in front of him. “Love you too, mom.”

 

He probably should tell her about Dustin, but what would that accomplish? It would just make her worry more, and his mom had enough to deal with. Besides, Michael had it all under control. He was pretty good at staying unnoticed. He just had to avoid Dustin for a few weeks and then everything would blow over, right?

 

“I… I’m handling it. Okay?”  _ He could only hope that was enough. _

 

His mother sighed, shaking her head slightly. “I can’t force you to tell me. But… promise me you’ll speak up if it gets worse, okay?”

 

He nodded, a mumbled promise escaping before taking a bite of the omelette, savoring the taste. But despite its deliciousness, it left a bitter after taste.

 

They chatted as he finished up and it was… nice. His mom was smiling and twirling her thick dark brown hair, which thick compared to Michael’s own hair was no accomplishment that should be overlooked. It made him happy to see her like this. After his dad left she was so… lost. Busy. Always worrying about how they’d make next month's rent. They were lucky they even got to keep the house. But finally his mom had somehow managed to finally pay off the house, leaving on the other bills. Still though. That payment alone was a load off of her shoulders and Michael could tell. Maybe in another year or so she wouldn’t have to work so much and he’d get to see her for longer than a few hours each week. Michael smiled. That would sure be nice.

 

Unfortunately however, the clock strikes twelve eventually, causing his mom to rush him out the door, with a kiss on his cheek and a red backpack being shoved into his arms. Michael had laughed, digging his heels into the floor to mess with her. Once he was finally in the car though, he supposed he probably should be on his way. Regardless of if he felt up to school today or not. As he was on the road, Michael vaguely brought up the idea of rolling a joint before first period, just to take the edge off, but quickly dismissed it. He’d already be getting enough attention, what with the big darkened bruise on his face.

 

He didn’t have too much time to dwell on that subject again though, as his phone alerted him as he was pulling into a parking space. It was a text from- Jeremy? If Michael stumbled, nearly dropping his phone, in the process to open the message he’d deny it.

 

**From: Player 2 <3 7:02am**

**Hey wen u get heere (heh) meet me b ur loker, k?**

 

Michael… had no idea what this was about. He tried not to let his nerves get to him too badly though, attempting to slip out of his car with ease, but instead bumping his head on the doorway.  _ Damn tiny cars and awkward teenage boy bodies _ . If he was walking a little lighter despite the facial and now head injury, he’d probably deny that too. He pushed up his headphones, letting people know not to engage him in conversation. He had a best friend to meet.

 

He’d managed to make it to the designated meeting place in no time but… Jeremy was nowhere in his immediate sight. Michael shot him a quick text, tugging at the strings of his hoodie.

 

This wasn’t a trick, right? Jeremy wouldn’t set him up like that. He’d come. Sure he would. He had to. He said he’d be here. And yet he wasn’t.  _ Oh god _ what if he wasn’t coming? What if he was messing with Michael? What if-

 

A tap on his shoulder brought him out of his head to lock onto icy blue eyes. Michael bit back the sigh of relief. He’d know those eyes anywhere. He grinned wide, but it fell quickly when he saw Jeremy’s frown. Michael lowered his head phones.

 

“Dude. What the ‘H’ happened to your face? Did you fight with your car this morning?”

 

Momentarily, caught in adoration of how genuinely  _ cute _ Jeremy is ( _ He said what the H oh my actual fuck) _ , it took Michael a few seconds to answer. Eventually he did manage to get out a shrug, adding on, “I tripped trying to get out last night. I swear to fuck I need a bigger car man.” It wasn’t the his best lie, but well. Let’s be honest. Jeremy wasn’t the best at observation.

 

And sure enough, Jeremy laughed, patting Michael’s shoulder. “What? Oh my god dude! I mean. At least you have a car.”

 

Michael smiled along, taking in the quiet warmth of Jeremy’s hand. He vaguely wondered where his other friends were, but he was in a pretty great mood at the moment so why dredge up not so good thought processes. “So what’d you text me for, Jer?” He asked, pushing his hands into his pockets. If Michael tried hard enough, he could imagine it was just like old times when it was only him and Jeremy.

 

Jeremy shrugged, trying to act nonchalant. But Michael could tell the slightly shorter boy was nervous. He slid Michael a sly grin, making Michael feel both suspicious and  _ an emotion he wasn’t touching with a fifty foot fucking pole. Not while in the middle of the school hallway. Nope not a chance.  _ “Guess who’s having their very first cool kids party?” He asked, obviously trying to sound impressive.

 

Michael felt his shoulders slump.  _ Of course _ . Seeing Jeremy’s bright face however, Michael bit the inside of his cheek, forcing a smile. “Woah dude no way! I’m sure it’ll be great.”

 

Jeremy gave him an odd look,bumping shoulders with Michael. “What? Dude, of course it’ll be great! You’ll be coming, right? It’s gonna be next weekend. For Jake's birthday. We're holding it at my house since Jake's is still under reconstruction.”

 

Michael shrugs, debating his options. On one hand, Jeremy is wanting to hang out with him. And  _ Jesus christ _ that felt amazing. But… His other friends would be there. Would he just be ignored the whole time? Would…. Though he tried not to, Michael couldn’t help but remember the last time he was at a party. With Jeremy. It was for  _ Jake. _ The coincidences had his head spinning. Oh God.

 

He  _ really _ didn’t need to think about that here. This wasn’t the place. Michael swallowed thickly, knowing Jeremy’s eyes were on him. His friend repeated Michael’s name, his warm hand still pressing against his shoulder.

 

“Michael? You okay, dude?”

 

He could do this. It wasn’t Jeremy’s fault. That wasn’t  _ really  _ Jeremy. Michael couldn’t let him know he was still upset over it. Jeremy probably didn’t even know how Michael had… How he had had a panic attack… alone… in the bathroom… Like a  _ loser _ .

 

He shook his head, clearing his throat. Maybe that Joint hadn’t been such a bad idea. Michael needed to get out of there. But Jeremy needed an answer and since when could Michael tell him no? 

 

_ Of course he couldn’t. _ He also couldn’t let Jeremy know Michael was distressed. He was enough of a loser in his friend’s eyes already.

 

“Uhh yeah. Sorry. Maybe I’m still a little sick?” He said with a laugh. Jeremy still kept that worried expression however, so Michael pressed on, turning on a bright smile. It was kind of scary how easily he could slip into this feeling of emotional detachment, if only for a few minutes. “But yeah man! Sounds like a blast! What do you need me to help with?”

 

Jeremy perked up immediately, as if Michael wasn’t clenching his hands to fight back his urge to  _ leave _ . “I was actually wondering if you’d make the playlist? You’re the best person I know with the best musical taste!”

 

Before Michael could respond, Jeremy added on, “But no Marly, damnit!” with a huffy face. Michael let an easy laugh pass through his lips. This was as good an escape as any.

 

“Haha! No promises.  Text me some of the bands Jake likes. Hey look, I think I’m gonna go head off for a spliff, you wanna join?” He tossed a thumb behind him, pointing back out towards the back of the school. Honestly it was where all the potheads went. He knew Jeremy detested that area, despite not minding smoking with Michael, Jeremy had never really been too fond of being classified as a “Stoner” so he tended to avoid the area at all cost. Yet another reason Michael was beneath him.

 

And sure enough, Jeremy made an unpleasant expression. “Uhh no thanks man. It reeks back there.” He brightened up again though, side hugging Michael. The long missed contact sent a shiver down Michael’s spine. Had it really been that long since Jeremy was physical like that with him? Sure it had only been a couple of months since the accident but… “I should be heading to first anyway. Have fun though! See you at lunch!”

 

Once Jeremy was out of sight, Michael sighed in relief, immediately hunching forward as the tension left his body. He wasn’t kidding about skipping to get high. At this point he felt he deserved it. Briefly he considered that maybe he was getting high by himself a little too often lately but he ignored it immediately. It helped him stay okay. So why knock a good thing? It was a coping mechanism that was working.

 

He opened his locker with the intention to put away his stuff when a roll of condoms caught his eyes just inside the door. They looked scratched and messed up, as if someone had forced them beneath the locker door. There was a note taped to the top.

 

**-So you don’t spread any fag diseases.**

 

Not the most clever Bullying tactic, but it still managed to make Michael’s eyes sting. He grabbed the condoms, shoving them into his pockets to throw away, slamming the locker shut. He then pulled his headphones back on, flipping up his hood, all but stomping to the back of the school.

 

So about that Joint.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [Deep breath] Okay. I'mreallynervousaboutthischapterbecauseocsandstuffsoi'msupersorryifit'sterrible. [release breath] Okay! So! Chapter 5! Sorry this took so long! I was in Seattle for awhile and then I got distracted with other fics lmao. I hope you guys enjoyed this! Have a great day! Don't forget to eat/drink water/take your meds ect. <3


	6. Chapter 6

**Chapter 6**

 

So turns out the “potheads” of the school had really thinned out in the past few months. Either that or Michael had managed to get extremely lucky in this one particular moment. Other than two girls, who were blissfully uninterested in his presence, Michael was alone.

 

Despite Jeremy not liking it, Michael didn’t mind the atmosphere. Some found it creepy and sketchy but like… okay so Michael wasn’t sure where he was going with this. He just liked the place, alright? Did he really need a reason? And as his composure was slipping quick, he felt that he  _ needed _ this small haven right now.

 

He stayed back behind the school for  _ god knows _ how long. Dozing on and off to music, stuck in a hazy mind, drifting just above the emotions threatening to tear him apart. If only he could stay like this forever. Never touching the ground. Never having to deal with his reality. Where he could imagine him and Jeremy.  _ Happy _ and  _ together _ and  _ like things used to be _ . Before all this bullshit went and tore it all to shit. But unfortunately that was  _ exactly _ why Michael had to let himself come back down. As nice as imagination!Jeremy was and despite how reality!Jeremy made him feel sometimes… He couldn’t stay away from him. He may smoke a lot of weed to forget his problems and shit, but no matter how trashed he got, Michael would always find himself wanting to run to Jeremy. Staying away from him for so long was… torture. MIchael wasn’t sure he could handle that again.

 

He never wanted to deal with that again. The thought alone brought that recently familiar sting to his eyes. MIchael rubbed at his face just in case, huffing aggravatingly. He really needed to stop crying so much. He  _ never _ cried this much. And certainly not where anyone could see him. It was a vulnerability that he couldn’t handle getting out.

 

_ God. _ The shit he’d gone through during those long lasting months. Could he really go through with this party thing? Could Michael willingly walk into Jeremy’s house, a room full of  _ the very people that were taking Jeremy away from him _ and stay totally fine? He had trouble keeping up the charade just at  _ school _ . Add alcohol into the mix and… Michael did tend to get a lot more clingy and talkative when he was drunk. That could lead to…. Not so good things. And of course he could just decide to not drink but… That could be just as bad if not worse. What if Jeremy got drunk and started dancing with his  _ friends _ or decided  _ hey maybe I do want to sleep with one of these girls _ . Or shouts at him again… Michael’s breath quickens for a second, but he quickly shuts his eyes, forcing himself to breath normally. He’d already decided that there would be  _ no _ panic attacks in public anymore. The bathroom was bad enough. He  _ really  _ needed to stop thinking about that.

 

He took another drag before stubbing out the small nub that was left on the concrete below him. It left a black streak of ash against it, resonating with Michael’s apparently emo mood today. He stares at the streak, probably thinking way too much when suddenly the door to school slams open, a pair of giggling teenagers falling out of it, pressed flushed against each other, hands moving and grasping as their mouths touched and moved and How pathetic was it that Michael felt angry. This apparently happy couple were barging in on his haven. Michael felt his face heat up when the girl casted her eyes over towards him. She pushed her partner away with a frown. “Ugh baaabe, you said no one would be back here! But look that weird stoner/headphones guy is staring at us.” She definitely wasn’t trying to be subtle.   
  
Her partner frowned as well, turning towards Michael, but he’d already gathered his bag back onto his shoulder, standing quickly. “I was leaving anyway,” he mumbled, pushing past them. There was no point in staying anyway. They’d already broken the atmosphere. Honestly he might as well go to class. If there was even any-   
  
_ RIIIING _   
  
Guess not. Michael shrugged, stopping by the bathroom to check his face before going to find the others. He knew if he didn’t show up at lunch Jeremy would get worried and seek him out and ask for an explanation and Michael would- He clenched his fists with a deep breath. It’d be fine.   
  
The bruise was pretty obvious, but it honestly could’ve been way worse. His eyes were pretty red and bloodshot, what from smoking and being on the verge of tears all day, but that could easily be blamed solely on weed. And by the way the kid he passed getting into the room grimaced at him, Michael was pretty sure he still smelled enough like weed to prove it was recent enough for his eyes to be like this. His hair was a mess, from fingers, his headphones, and pulling his hood on and off, but that was nothing unusual. Only thing he couldn’t fix was the circles under his eyes. He also had a dopey ass expression that just  _ screamed _ that he smoked minutes before. Whelp, oh well. He splashed some water on his face, holding back the wince from the quick flash of memory it caused, taking a deep breath and leaving the room. He could do this.   
  
Putting on a happier playlist, Michael entered the lunchroom looking for his friends. Before he reached the table however he had the side thought to get a bag of chips from the vending machine. He wasn’t exactly all that hungry, but it would at least get Jeremy off his back about not eating. See? Everything under control.   
  
Christine gave him a worried look as he sat down, but Jeremy turned immediately, grinning wide. “Hey dude!”   
  
Michael smiled softly, pulling down his headphones and meeting Jeremy’s offered fist bump. “Hey.” Rich however stole his attention away, tapping on the open area in front of Michael. Wait- he wanted to talk to him? Michael couldn’t help but think why.   
  
He turned towards the former Bully, lowering his hand, pushing them both back into the pocket of his hoodie, twisting around each other in an effort to battle his anxiety.   
  
“Hey, Mike. I didn’t see you in third today. You good?”   
  
Michael grimaced at the nickname, only Jeremy could call him Mike, but nodded anyway. “heh uh yeah. I’m fine, man. I was just... busy.”   
  
Jeremy laughed, knocking shoulders with Michael as he started to pick at his food. “By busy he means  _ getting high behind the school. _ You cannot tell me you guys can’t smell it.”   
  
Rich started to laugh, Jake turning to see what was so funny. Christine smiled good-naturedly as Michael started to flush. He couldn’t deny it though, so instead he just sort of awkwardly sunk down a little in his seat.   
  
“H-Holy shit, you’re right! Damn man, how much did you smoke? It fucking reeks now that Jeremy pointed it out!”

  
Michael shrugged looking off. Was he making fun of him? Was he mocking Michael? He couldn’t tell. He didn’t know how to react. Damn it. This was exactly why he preferred it when it was just him and Jeremy. He knew how to react to Jeremy. He did however frown slightly. He wasn’t even that high. It was more of a… mellow. Though he wasn’t feeling very mellow as of late.   
  
He just felt tired. Getting high with Jeremy made him feel alive and vibrating. Like he could anything. Getting high alone used to make him feel whole and at peace. Above the world away from anything that could hurt him. And as yeah he still feels a distinct separation from the overwhelming urgency of his problems, he feels… tired. Mentally exhausted. Like now that he doesn’t have to think, he doesn’t even want to. He just wants to sleep. His stomach shot him a quick pain. And eat apparently. Michael was suddenly grateful he decided to get those chips.   
  
Without casting Rich a look, Michael pulled the small bag of cheetos from his hoodie, opening them immediately. At least food will always be there. He could hear Rich laughing harder as Michael reached for the first one, but he ignored him, even if he did end up turning a little more red.   
  
Jeremy waved Rich off, starting to laugh as well. Difference was, Jeremy’s laugh didn’t sound like it wanted to tear him down.   
  
“Okay, okay, Rich. Leave him alone!”   
  
Jake had apparently caught onto the conversation, as he laughed as well. “Dude you’ve never even smoked before, shut the fuck up.” Now Rich flushed slightly, still laughing however. It really was crazy how different he was now that he didn’t have the squip. He was a whole different person. Michael still didn’t like him though.

 

"Yeah but I still know what it smells like, dick! Say, Michael." Michael focused on Rich, nodding for him to continue. "You should bring some to the party! That'd be pretty rad right? Like I've always wanted to try, but like my uhh... you know. He said it wasn't cool or whatever. But now that I don't have to listen to that shit head, I can do what I want! So what do'ya say?"

 

Michael hummed softly, considering. He really didn't care for getting high around Rich. Before all this happened, he'd bullied Michael countless times for the very thing. But... this was the actual Rich. And if they were hanging out getting high, then maybe Michael would be distracted enough to not think about that night. He could see Jeremy’s hopeful expression in the corner of his eye. Michael knew it would make Jeremy really happy for him to hang out with his ‘cool’ friends. And hey if he changes his mind he can always say he ran out. Michael shrugs and goes back to eating. "Sure. If uh. If I have any left by the time of the party."

 

Jeremy's smile fell slightly but Michael couldn't for the life of him figure out why. Sure Michael had been smoking nearly every night, trying desperately not to overwhelm himself with emotions, and maybe that wasn't a good thing to do, but Jeremy couldn't know of that. He had no idea how much weed Michael was really burning through a day.

 

But thankfully Jeremy was quickly distracted as Christine started asking him about an upcoming play and whether or not he wanted to participate. Michael sighed softly, relaxing back into his seat. The attention was off of him. He watched Christine and Jeremy interact, smiling. Christine really was a good person. He really hoped that she hadn't told anyone about his... breakdown. Yesterday. But it was pretty obvious, she hadn't. Because he was still here and no one had mentioned it yet.

 

Apparently he was zoning out in a stare, because he was snapped out of his reverie by a pair of pale fingers snapping in his face. "Earth to Michael!" Jeremy called. Michael shivered for some reason as he came out and yawned, turning to Jeremy. He starting to feel really sluggish and tired. Maybe he shouldn't have smoked so much.

 

"Mm? Yeah what's up."

 

Jeremy laughed and rested his arm on Michael's shoulder. MIchael just slopped side ways under the pressure and ended up leaning against Jeremy.

 

"I was wondering if you wanted to chill after school today, dork."

 

That had Michael's attention. He was practiced in the art of hiding emotion however, and managed to not show his shock too much. Though he's pretty sure his eyes gave it away because Christine was grinning like a madman. "U-uh sure? You're not hanging out with those guys today?" It was a wednesday night after all. But Jeremy shrugged against him, causing Michael to bounce slightly.

 

"Nah man. I miss you. And I still gotta come over and play Sonic Mania!"

 

Michael nodded, if a bit enthusiastically. He couldn't look at anyone right now, so he instead stared down at his twisting hands. "Yeah. That uh. That would be great."

 

“Sonic Mania?” Jake asked, sounding genuinely confused. “Aren’t those like old games?” Jeremy and Michael both laughed.

 

“We do play old games, but Sonic Mania is new. It was a fan funded game that’s basically just the old games revamped and with more challenges,” MIchael explained, looking up at Jake, but still slumped against Jeremy. Jake made an ‘O’ face, but Rich looked crazy excited.

 

“Woah man! That sounds cool! You should bring that over too!”

 

Jeremy laughed in response and looked down at Michael. “Hey why dosen’t Rich just like, come with us? He probably got left out of all the cooler games while he was under.”

 

Michael felt that ever present pit reform in his stomach. No. Of course he didn’t want Rich over! He wanted it to be just him and Jeremy! But he couldn’t tell Jeremy that. This was his friend. And honestly Rich wasn’t  _ so _ bad. Maybe they’d be too nerdy for him and he’d leave. But no… that would never happen. Maybe he could convince Jeremy to stay the night? And take Rich home early? Michael really wasn’t feeling up to this. And the whole time debating internally, he could feel Christine’s worried eyes on him. Michael bit the inside of is cheek, digging for an acceptable response. He knew he wasn’t going to say no, but he needed to sound excited. Not put out and  _ jealous _ .

 

Michael shrugged. “Yeah that’s cool. But he’s not staying the night.” Rich fist pumped the air.

 

“Okay! You drive that pt, right?” Michael nodded, tuning out his and Jeremy’s excited rambles. His phone buzzed in his pocket.

 

**From: Christine ?? 12:31**

**You alright? You didn’t have to let him over you know. Rich would’ve understood if you'd said no.**

 

Michael sighed, leaning further against Jeremy. His friend glanced down at him with an amused smile. “Tired?” Michael nodded, letting a yawn out at the right time. “Why don’t you take a nap? I’ll wake you up when it’s time to go to fifth. We still have like twenty minutes.”

 

“How?” Michael asked. His back would hurt if he was face down on the table. Jeremy reached a lanky arms behind Michael to pull the empty chair next to him a little closer before scooting out slightly, patting his lap.

 

“You could lay like this? And have your feet propped in the other chair. Plus this way the table will help block the light from your face.” His face suddenly burned.  _ Fuck _ Michael really loved this sweet boy.

 

Rich snorted. “You two are like disgustingly gay.”

 

Michael froze, head tilting down. Was he going to make fun of them? But Jake laughed pushing Rich slightly. “Shut the fuck up you bi mother fucker. You gotta stop picking on them.” Rich laughed, rubbing the back of his neck.

 

“Yeah yeah. I was kidding, sheesh. It actually is super sweet.”

 

Jeremy rolled his eyes. “Ignore them, Michael. Just lay down dude. You look like you’re about to pass out.” His phone buzzed again.

 

**From: Christine ?? 12:34**

**They’re just joking, sweetie. Don't worry too much about them. No one is going to leave you out, okay?**

 

Michael couldn’t remember the last time his phone received so many texts in just the span of 24 hours. But he honestly couldn’t find it in himself to mind. Christine was such a pure individual. His mind still reeled that she even wanted to be friends.

 

Another yawn hit him and Michael made up his mind. He slipped off his headphones, placing them on the table, pulling up his hood. He laid down as Jeremy suggested, laying on the outer portion of Jeremy’s thigh. His breath was a little fast, but as he brought his legs up, he couldn’t deny how comfortable it was compared to breaking his back over the table. “Don’t let anyone touch my headphones,” he mumbled, feeling heavy from both the weed and exhaustion. Jeremy nodded, slipping them around his own neck just in case. He rested a hand on Michael’s covered head, patting it softly.

 

“G’night buddy.” Michael nodded slightly, not wanting to move too much and pulled his sleeves over his hands, to retain some warmth. A happy buzz filled his chest. Jeremy pulled the hoodie back just enough to twirl a curl around his finger. Michael shivered, closing his eyes. He had one arms tucked tight against his stomach, the other one resting on his hip, slipping into his hoodie pocket. Okay so maybe Rich coming over wasn’t so bad. Not if it meant he got to do things like this. The group above him started chatting again and Michael closed his eyes, humming as Jeremy’s hand moved to slip beneath the hood, scratching slightly at his scalp. It didn’t take long for him to fall asleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh gosh. You know when I started this fic I promised myself that I wouldn't put hella cliche gay scenes. But :) guess :) fuckin :) what :):):) oh well. I have mixed feelings about this chapter. I hope you guys like it though? :D I didn't really have a direction when starting this but I'm slowly forming a main plot line in my head for this to follow. Seriously though, all the nice comments I've been getting are making my fucking year. I would love to reply to every one but All you'd get is my panicked screaming in disbelief xD SO yeah! Thank you so much for your continued support! Honestly I would've abandoned this by now if it wasn't getting such a large mass of positivity! Thank you!
> 
> Side note: I haven't written anything in it yet but how would you guys feel if I added just a little bit of self harm? For later things I have planned for this story. It work just as well without it. But I'm also a slut for wump so. What's yalls opinion on it?


	7. Chapter 7

**Chapter 7**

 

The day had gone pretty quickly after that. Jeremy had woken him up with a soft smile, looking down so his hair framed his face nicely, the lights behind him only adding to his charm. Michael felt like he couldn’t breath at first. He’d managed to pull himself together however and Jeremy pulled his hood down, placing the headphones around his neck as Michael sat up. Michael had flushed a deep scarlet. Jeremy laughed but… he was smiling so that’s okay. Rich had come around and ruffled Michael’s hair, much to his dismay, again confirming Michael’s car before taking off. Despite that heavy feeling you get when falling asleep after smoking, Michael felt energized as Jeremy had walked him to his class before turning around to his own. _Fuck_ Michael was really screwed.

 

Final bell rang and so Michael was making his way to his locker one more time, headphones around his neck, playing music loud enough so he could still hear it.

 

There was another paper waiting for him in his locker, but Michael ignored it. He’d deal tomorrow. He was in too good a mood to. He was still anxious about Rich, but Jeremy was coming over. _Jeremy was coming over!_ Michael couldn’t deny the giddy flip his stomach did. He absolutely refused to let all the negativity that had been coursing through him as of late affect him. Who cares if Rich is coming? Jeremy wanted to hang out with him... Michael smiled softly, facing downward as he walked out of the school. Tonight was going to be great! In fact his face was already starting to feel better! So that was something, right? _God_ he couldn’t wait to tell Christine!

 

And woah okay. That was a thought. MIchael supposed… maybe Jeremy wasn’t his only friend anymore. After last night, could he honestly say Christine was only hanging out with him to humor Jeremy? He was confused as to why she decided to come over still, but…. Michael couldn’t deny that he was grateful. She always seemed like a genuine person. He could see where that generosity would be present in friendship as well as personality. Michael sent her a quick text explaining with excitement about Jeremy and Rich coming over, despite her being at the very table. It just felt good having somebody to tell.

 

As promised, Jeremy was standing beside his car, lanky arms spread out as he was expressively talking to Rich who was leaning casually against the driver side door of his car. Michael shoved his hands into the pockets of his jacket as he neared, his smile becoming more prominent and genuine as he came closer. He'd still prefer Jeremy to himself but... Michael didn't mind anymore. Maybe this was a step in getting him back? Maybe if Michael made friends with Jeremy's friends then they could be best friends again. A memory of Rich bullying him throughout the years surface. But looking at Rich now, he may dress similar, but his stance was completely different. So that was a plus as well. Once again, he was a completely different person.

 

"Hey!" Rich shouted upon spotting Michael. Jeremy spun around, smile bright, and waved excessively, shouting his name.

 

Michael laughed as he approached, shooing Rich out of the way of his door.

 

The drive to Michael's was short. Jeremy had sat up front of course, playing with the radio a bit before giving up and popping in one of Michael's mix CDs. Rich had made fun of the CDs but quickly cleared up that he was joking before Michael could get irritated. He loved his CDs damnit.

 

Pulling into the driveway, Michael shut off the car, grinning at his passengers. "Welcome! To del casa Mell!" Rich threw himself backwards laughing.

 

"That's fucking wrong, dumbass!" Michael shrugged though, quickly getting out of the car so he could lay the seat forward, making it easier for Rich to get out.

 

"Whatever man. I never took Spanish."

 

The night proceeded to an All-Stars tournament, which Michael won but only because Rich decided to tackle Jeremy as he was getting ahead of Rich. During their scuffle, Michael being the good Samaritan he is, took that opportunity to demolish the other two characters on the screen, winning the game. Though there were a few times where Michael felt that familiar pining in his heart, and the sharp stab of jealousy as Rich and Jeremy laughed about something Michael wasn’t apart of, he still had to admit. That he’d had… fun. This night was fun. Rich was a funny guy.

 

They continued to play games and laugh long until it was nearing 10 pm and Ms. Mell was coming down the stairs in a huff about it being a school night. So with surprising reluctance, Michael had trekked out to his car, the other two following behind, and he’d started to take them home. Jeremy and Rich were deep in conversation about some sports team in football. Michael didn’t really care enough to figure it out. But as he had expected to feel left out and jealous, he actually felt… pleased. Jeremy was happy. Talking about sports. Something he couldn’t really do with Michael as the boy really honestly couldn’t give two fucks. No matter how hard Jer had tried to get him into it. Rich was helping with what Michael couldn’t. Now, that thought shot a pang through him.

 

Rich could do what he could not. Does that mean Rich could do the things he _can_ too? He felt a little light headed from the sudden shift in emotions. It was apparently obvious as well, as he had accidentally shook the wheel a little too hard, pulling the car across the road sharply. Michael gasped loudly, straightening it back up into his lane. Jeremy squawked, hands flying to the handles of the car, as Rich’s eyes locked onto Michael’s form.

 

“What the hell, Michael?”

 

Michael winced, ducking his head. A mumbled, “Sorry,” dropping from his lips. Jeremy caught his breath and double checked his seat belt before looking to Michael with worried eyes. “Hey uhh Mike, you okay?”

 

Michael nodded sheepishly, not daring to take his eyes from the road. “I uhm. I’m tired. Sorry. Won’t happen again.”

 

Jeremy crossed his arms, frown deepening. Michael bit nervously at the inside of his cheek.

 

“Should you be driving then? You can crash at my house if you need to.”

 

“Yeah dude, if you were too tired I could’ve just walked home.”

 

Michael shook his head, sighing as if he was slightly irritated by the questions. He wasn’t. It was actually endearing, but like hell he would admit that. “Guys, I’m fine. You guys were talking sports and I got bored and started to nod off, sorry.”

 

Jeremy laughed, relief spreading across his face. Michael’s chest clenched.

 

“What? Oh my god, Michael! It’s not _that_ boring you prick.”

 

Michael desperately wanted to shout _‘That’s not it!’_ but he didn’t. Instead he forced out a laugh as he turned into the neighborhood both Rich and Jeremy lived in. He was too focused on not crying and not looking from the road, that he managed to miss the worried and yet puzzling look Rich had shot him from the back seat.

 

Michael had managed to make it home safely only to immediately collapse on his bed, face first, ready to sleep for a year. What day is it? Wednesday? MIchael sighed heavily. Two more days until the weekend. His over dramatic pouting was however interrupted by the sudden alert from his pocket. Michael could ignore it. He wanted to ignore it. But as another alert came through, he rolled his eyes, rolling to his back with legs dangling off, Michael pulled out his phone unlocking it quickly.

 

**From: +1 342 594 9930 11:21pm**

**Michael rite? Hey it’s rich i gotta question**

 

Michael frowned, not remembering ever giving Rich his number. His anxiety pricked up in the back of his head, easily taking hold as he was still feeling it from the car ride.

 

**To: +1 342 594 9930 11:22pm**

**How did you get my number?**

 

The response was immediate.

 

**From: +1 342 594 9930 11:22pm**

**Jenna. You’re not driving anymore right**

 

**To: +1 342 594 9930 11:23pm**

**Jenna doesn’t have my number?? No Im home**

 

**From: +1 342 594 9930 11:23 pm**

**Jenna has everyone number.**

**Good. hey so are you pissed off at jeremy? And like dont wanthim to know?**

**It’s cool if you are**

**Jus wondering**

 

Michael stared at the flood of texts, swallowing thickly. He actually sat up to grab a water bottle next to his bed, taking several gulps. He went to reply but then more texts came in. He could tell Rich was just as sporadic in texting as he was in person.

 

**From: +1 342 594 9930 11:24pm**

**Hey you don have to answer**

**But if you are i wont tell**

**Jus worried**

**You’re cool**

**So it was weird seeing you sad**

**In the car, i saw it. But then you looked happy?**

**Wwhy are yu kepping this from jeremy**

**You guys are like best friends right**

 

When they finally stopped, Michael took a deep breath, forcing out a reply. But only because he knew no reply was worse than an actual reply.

 

**To: +1 342 594 9930 11:25pm**

**I’m not mad at jeremy. I’m fine man. Told you just tired. So stop freaking out?**

 

 _Good. Right?_ Michael could only hope. But apparently not. His stomach dropped as Rich replied.

 

**From: +1 342 594 9930 11:26pm**

**Who said i was freaking**

**So it has to with jeremy then right? And there’s a secret?**

**If youre not mad then sad right?**

**Or upset**

**What happened?**

 

**To: +1 342 594 9930 11:26pm**

**Nothing’s wrong there’s no secret**

 

Michael huffed, pulling at his hair slightly. Rich couldn’t know. He would make fun of Michael and most certainly tell Jeremy. Michael couldn’t handle that. He couldn't handle Jeremy leaving him again.

 

**From: +1 342 594 9930 11:26pm**

**Did he do something? Is he being a jerk?**

**You were chummy with christine the other day**

**She came over right?**

**Is jeremy pissed you like her?**

**Do you like her?**

 

**To: +1 342 594 9930 11:27pm**

**No i don’t like christine stfu rich**

**We’re friends. Leave me alone.**

 

**From: +1 342 594 9930 11:27pm**

**So you like someone?**

**Who ;)**

 

Michael bit the inside of his cheek again, sitting cross legged, staring at his phone. He didn’t know what to say to get Rich to _drop it_. Before he could however, Rich sent another text.

 

**From: +1 342 594 9930 11:28pm**

**I’ll tell you who i like if you tell me who you like**

 

The inside of his cheek was raw and Michael was 90% sure that was a taste of copper on his tongue. He forced slow breaths out as he held the phone in shaking hands. He couldn’t tell Rich. Rich couldn’t know. There was no scenario in his head where telling Rich was a good thing. He’d come over and hit Michael. He’d make fun of him. Call him a fag. He’d tell Jeremy. _He’d tell Jeremy_.

 

Michael had half a response typed out, denying the whole thing again when Rich’s next response came in, causing Michael to drop his phone. He scrambled to get it, opening the text.

 

**From: +1 342 594 9930 11:28pm**

**I like Jake. You can’t tell him though. So see? Now you can tell me and I won’t tell becuase yu can tell on me**

 

Michael snorted at his response, though his hands still trembled and voice shook so it sounded more broken. He wasn’t sure why he sent what he sent next, but there it was. He couldn’t take it back now.

 

**To: +1 342 594 9930 11:29pm**

**No one rich. Please. Leave me alone.**

**He wouldn’t lik eme back anyways**

 

 _Why did he send that?_ That was worse than not replying! But Michael’s hands couldn’t stop shaking as he tried to think of something to send to blow it off. Maybe as a joke? But it was too late. Rich knew. He’d know in a few minutes, he’d figure it out. And Jeremy would hate him. And he’d be alone again. _Oh god, he’d be alone again._

 

A sob forced it’s way up his throat, but Michael managed to hold it down with a pained breath, forcing it down. He picked up his phone, trying to process Rich’s response.

 

**From: +1 342 594 9930 11:30pm**

**Is it jeremy? I won’t tell**

 

**To: +1 342 594 9930 11:30pm**

**No**

 

He didn’t know what else to put. It was all he could think. Just deny. _Deny deny deny_ . His eyes stung and his throat clenched as his chest constricted to short fast breaths. _Deny everything_.

 

**From: +1 342 594 9930 11:30pm**

**Michael, if it is it’s okay. He might like you back, you don’t know.**

**I’m in the same situation with jake. He’s my best friend. It’s okay**

 

His head started to pound, blood rushing through his ears. _No. Rich was lying. He’s lyinglyinglying. He was just trying to get a confession out of michael. It wasn’t true. Jeremy would never love him. He’d hate him and leave. No._

 

More texts came in.

 

**From: +1 342 594 9930 11:31pm**

**Mike? U there? Sorry I pushed you don’t have to tell me.**

 

**To: +1 342 594 9930 11:31pm**

**it’s fine**

 

No response came for the next minute and Michael was worried. Had he given too much away? Did Rich think he was an idiot now? Was he planning something? His circling thoughts were jolted however when his phone suddenly started sounding the pac man theme song, alerting him to a phone call. It was the 9930 number. Michael sucked in a sharp breath. He didn’t want to answer. _Dear god he didn’t want to answer_ . But if he didn’t would Rich tell Jeremy? Did Rich _actually_ know? Before Michael knew what he was doing, he had the phone pressed to his ear, lips clenched tightly shut.

 

“Hello? Michael?” came Rich’s oddly high voice. Michael sucked in another breath, nodding before realising Rich couldn’t see him. He cleared his throat as a response.

 

“Hey man, are you okay? You weren’t texting back and I was getting worried.”

 

“I’m fine,” he quickly forced out, hardly any space between Rich’s words and his own. His voice shook slightly through ‘fine’ and Michael silently cursed himself. Why did he answer the phone again?

 

“You don’t sound fine.”

 

“ _Yeah well I didn’t ask,”_ Michael snapped. He immediately felt guilty however. “S-sorry. I just- I’m fine.”

 

“Michael… look man. I don’t know what's going on. And you really don’t have to tell me. But… you’re cool. And I’m worried you’re not okay. You can tell me anything, alright? Things you can’t talk to Jeremy about? I’m here.”

 

Michael’s breath caught in his throat and it was hard to breathe. He held back another wave of tears, biting his cheek. “Why are you being so nice to me?” he rasped out. “You’re Jeremy’s friend.”

 

He could hear Rich moving stuff on the other side. Blankets or some other type of cloth. “I thought we were friends too? I was really mean to you guys when I was under dickhead’s command. So… I don’t know. Now that I’m me, you guys are really cool. And friends look after each other. And honestly… with the whole Jake thing… I get the feeling we have more in common then we thought, ya know? I was suppressing those emotions for years. And because of it I was miserable and angry and just not in a good place.”

 

“How- How long have you-”

 

“Liked Jake? I realised it about a week after I left the hospital. _He pulled me from a fire_. But I think the feelings have been there for about a year? Yeah. When he transferred to our school and we became friends.”

 

Michael’s breath shook at the causal confession. Rich was so calm about his crush. He was so open and sure of himself. Michael was nothing like that. He looked down, pulling on his sleeves tightly.

 

“Well, look. I’m sorry. I’ll leave you-”

 

“Four years.”

 

Rich stopped mid sentence, repeating what Michael said. “Fours years what?”

 

“I- I’ve-” _What was he doing?_ Michael took another shuddering breath, clenching his fists and wanting to scratch _hard_.

 

“...Michael?” Rich pressed in an encouraging voice.

 

 _This was so stupid_. But Rich sounded so genuine. And He was in the same predicament Michael was in. Maybe… He’d taken that risk with Christine. Maybe Rich was…

 

“I’ve been in love with Jeremy for four years,” he rushed out quickly, squeezing his eyes shut. Michael bit at his lip painfully, curling in on himself, ready for the onslaught of insults that were bound to come.

 

“... that’s since… eighth grade?”

 

Michael nodded. He didn’t care to correct the unheard action.

 

Rich whistled, causing Michael to flinch. “ _Damn_ , Michael. No wonder you’re so beat up about it. That must be torture. I couldn’t imagine being into Jake for that long without saying anything. Are you going to tell him?”

 

Michael’s breath caught in his throat again and his breath was coming out quick and panicked. “n-No! You can’t-”

 

“Woah! Hey! Michael! Chill out, I- uh well. Calm down. Not chill. But dude, no worries. I’m not telling anybody. Sorry, no. I wouldn’t do that.”

 

Releasing a tense breath, Michael could feel a little of the intensity dislodged from his chest. He kept hold of his lip however, holding the phone in both hands. “You- you won’t?”

 

“Of course not, man! Us unrequited pining teenagers gotta stick together. Or well I hope we’re not unrequited but eh you know what I mean. We need to make a club name. Pining Bros? Dumbasses in love?”

 

“Death approaches.”

 

“Morbid and vague. I love it.”

 

Michael laughed slightly, surprising himself. He fell to his side, still holding the phone tightly to his ear.

 

“Hey but for real, man. Are you okay? You sounded really shallow earlier.”

 

Michael hummed, a quiet, “M’ fine,” afterwards. He was suddenly really tired. Now without the looming threat of being exposed was gone.

 

“Mhmm right. Well, Michael I was serious about earlier. If you ever need someone to talk to about all this…. _All of this_. You have my number. Feel free to use it. Alright?”

 

Michael gave another shaky breath. A quiet, “Alright,” being whispered in response.

 

“Okay man. I’ll see you at school tomorrow. Okay?”

 

“Okay.” And with that the phone clicked, leaving Michael feeling confused, exhausted, and… relieved. Had they… bonded? Over failed love lives? Was this even real? Had he really just confessed his biggest secret to… To a guy that used to terrorize him everyday?

 

But he didn’t anymore. In fact, Michael had caught Rich more than once going out of his way to help him. Rich really had changed. Michael smiled slightly. He had a new friend. Were they friends? Rich said they were so… He quickly saved the number under just simply **Rich.** Maybe he should think to start putting in nicknames? That’d be fun. And that way if anyone found his phone they wouldn’t immediately know who he was texting. A yawn forced it’s way out, making Michael realize how dead he felt. A thought for another day then.

 

He shucked off his pants and hoodie, making sure to place his headphones to the side and putting his phone on charge before selecting a playlist and crawling into his bed. He wasn’t completely sure how to feel about all of this but… he felt it was something good. And that was honestly pretty relieving.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yoooo One day I'll stop adding texts to fics. But apparently today is not that day. Hope you guys liked this one? SOrry it was so late lmao I've been busy with life and shit so rip. But yeah! Idk if I'll have jake/rich be end game but I do want Rich to like him. So we'll see :) Becauseialsolikejakeandchristinekillme
> 
> Anyway. Yeah. Boom. Chapter seven. Posted. [Finger guns]


	8. Chapter 8

**Chapter 8**

 

Thursday was… not so bad. When Michael had gotten to school that day, he immediately threw away the paper in his locker, not even bothering to read it and went to his first period. Rich had waved at him in the hall with a smile which Michael had hesitantly waved back. Before he was pulled into a hug by Christine, who was chatting his ear off about some new script that just got leaked online. Michael’s skin buzzed slightly at the unexpected contact, but… he felt he could deal if just this once. He hadn’t seen Jeremy yet but that was oddly… okay? He had friends now? That still sounded so odd in his head. But it was… nice. Very nice. And as he walked to the lunch table, paper bag containing a chipotle burrito and a Cherry slushie in his hands, he could feel an extra bounce in his step.

 

He couldn’t help but worry about how long this good point would last.

 

Michael shook his head. _No._ Not today. Today was good. And as he slipped into his seat, placing the bag and beverage on the table, he _felt_ good. With Christine pausing in her conversation with Brooke to smile at him, Rich throwing out a quick, “Hey bro!” before turning back to Jake, and- _was that a blush?-_ How the hell had Michael not noticed this crush sooner.

 

Blue covered arms slid across the table as a body slid into place next to him and Michael’s smile widened. Jeremy grinned back, moving to peer into Michael’s lunch. He quickly snatched the bag away from greedy hands, laughing as he pulled his headphones down. “Nu uh! Mine.”

 

Jeremy pouted and made grabby motions with his hands. “But Michael~ I love Chipotle! Why are you so mean!?”

 

Michael blew Jeremy a raspberry with his tongue, pulling out his burrito. He gave Jeremy a side eyed smirk as he pulled out a second one.

 

Jeremy perked up immediately. Until Michael waved said burrito in front of Christine. “My dearest lady, would you like my extra burrito by any chance?”

 

Christine, who had been watching the scene with bright eyes, laughed as Jeremy pouted again, slumping in his seat. “Ah, no thanks, Michael. But I think Mr. baby over there would like it.”

 

Michael rolled his eyes, tossing the burrito into Jeremy’s surprised hands. He bounced slightly, giving Michael a side hug quickly. “Ah! You jerk! Don’t tease me like this. I’m _starving_.”

 

“You could’ve gotten normal lunch.”

 

Mouth around said food, Jeremy grinned, causing Chloe to scoff. “Buh ehn ah wount hav ah burahtah.”

 

Rich frowned. “I wanna burrito. What the hell, Mell.”

 

Michael Flipped him off on instinct. But then froze. Would Rich find that funny? Did he have that kind of humor? What if he got mad? What if- but then Rich was laughing, tossing a stale french fry at Michael’s head. “Oh my god, fuck off.”

 

Michael laughed off his nerves, biting into his own burrito. Okay so that went well. Michael mentally made a note that Rich had a laid back sense of humor. It’d been so long since he’d had to learn the rights and wrongs around new people. Is this what people deal with every day? Those people that go outside and immediately make a new friend? It sounded… hectic. And exhausting. But… the feeling of having three friends did leave Michael feeling pretty good. Maybe it was worth it? Like real life friends/ Internet friends didn’t count. He tended to play with new groups anyways the few times he did play online. He just couldn’t really connect to people online. You had to constantly type back and forth. While with Jeremy it could just be them sitting in silence, having a great time. He definitely preferred hanging out in person rather than over the internet. It was a lot nicer and more doable for him. He glanced up from his musing briefly to see the group talking animatedly about something. It was all chatter right now, but after a few seconds, Michael managed to bring his attention back to reality, pulling over his melting slushie.

 

“-can have fog lights! And does your dad have a sound system, Jeremy? That’d be lit bro.”

 

“Uhh I think so but we probably shouldn’t use too much of his personal stuff. No offense, but I’d rather everything not get broken. Sorry Jake.”

 

“Hey man, it’s okay. I can just bring my dad’s stuff! I was just hoping not to have to lug it around, ya know. But it’s cool.”

 

Rich bumped shoulders with Jake, grinning. “I can help! I can sneak out my dad’s pickup truck.”

 

Jake frowned. “Are you sure that’s a good idea? I mean I don’t want anything like- you know. To happen because you’re trying to help me out.” Rich frowned as well as his shoulders tensed. Michael couldn’t help but wonder what that was about.

 

“It’s fine,” he said in a clipped tone. “He won’t even notice. Trust me.”

 

Jenna laughed half heartedly, drumming her short nails on the table. “Riiight anyway. Any idea on the invite list? If you want a lot of people we should probably start inviting people on monday.”

 

Jeremy shook his head. “Can we keep it kind of small? My house isn’t nearly as big as Jake’s is. Or uh was. You know what I mean.” Michael felt anxious suddenly thinking about so many people. Jeremy smiled over at him however and the feeling lessened. He seemed a little shocked when Michael smiled back. Was he surprised Michael was paying attention?

 

Jake pulled his attention away however as he nodded, leaning back in the small lunch table chairs. “Yeah that’s cool. Just like us and maybe a few of my friends from the team? And you guys can invite other friends too of course. But yeah I’m with Jer. Let’s keep it a little more contained this time.”

 

Brooke flushed a little, nodding as well. “Y-Yeah. Last time was a little not good. Hey Jeremy how many restrooms do you have?”

 

Jeremy shrugged, taking a bite of his food. “Two.”

 

Chloe nodded in agreement, picking at her salad. “Good. Last time it took _forever_ to go. I’m pretty sure someone was crying in there for a bit.”

 

Michael flushed and shifted back, hoping he didn’t draw any attention to himself. He adjusted his glasses, pretending to be distracted again.

 

“You guys didn’t know?” Jenna inputted, setting Michael’s nerves on edge.

 

“Know what?” Jeremy asked, leaning forward slightly. Apparently anyone was hooked into drama these days.

 

“Who was crying in the bathroom at Jake’s party?? I mean it was pretty obvious, what with everything that- oW!”

 

Michael glared at the girl from his spot where he had unabashedly kicked her. The others were looking at her as well.

 

“Jenna? Are you okay?” Brooke asked.

 

“What happened? Who was it?” Jake added right after.

 

Jenna looked to MIchael, flushing, realising what she was doing. “Nothing, just a uh muscle spasm. It was uhh.”

 

Michael bit his cheek, pulling the sleeves of his jacket over his hands. What was he doing? She didn’t owe him anything. She had every right to spill about him. It would definitely get her the laughs she wanted. Michael’s head started to pound as his stomach clenched up. What would happen when they knew? When they knew how pathetic Michael was.

 

He couldn’t do this.

 

With a loud screech of metal against linoleum, Michael stood up suddenly, all eyes on him. He cleared his throat, tugging on his headphones cord and looking down. “Jenna, can I talk to you?”

 

Everyone was looking at him. He knew they were. But only one voice sounded out, much to Michael’s relief.

 

“U-uhm yeah. Lemme just-”

 

Jenna gathered up her lunch on her tray, standing up as well. Michael wasn’t feeling very hungry anymore. He left the half eaten burrito on the table, nodding for Rich to know he can have it. He didn't meet his eyes however, and grabbed his bag and empty cup, going to follow Jenna. Jeremy gripped onto his arm however, standing up as well. “What’s uhh what’s going on?”

 

MIchael bit his lip, not sure what to say. He looked from Jenna who was looking at him with guilty eyes, to the group who was watching curiously, back to Jeremy who just looked worried, if a bit suspicious. He cleared his throat, and looked away from him. “Nothing. I just- I need to talk to her real quick, don’t worry about it.” He shook him off, ignoring the hurt that went across Jeremy’s face. He’d deal with that later. Michael hurried over to Jenna, gesturing for her to follow him out to the parking lot.

 

“Michael, I’m sorry, I wasn’t-” But Michael cut her off, shooting her a quick look.

 

“Wait.” He finally managed to drag them beside the school. After making sure no one was around, Michael sagged in relief before snapping his eyes back open to stare at Jenna, arms crossed in defense. “Okay. What do you know?” It was a question but he posed it as a statement. A demand even.

 

Jenna fiddled with her hands uncomfortably, looking around nervously. “Just uhm. Just that you were there. And you had a fight with Jeremy. I don’t know what about though! I wasn’t listening! I just uh. I knocked on the door and you shouted not to come in and you were crying and I wanted to figure out why.”

 

Michael sighed, lifting his glasses enough to rub at his eyes. He _did not_ want to deal with this today. “Who else knows?”

 

“No one!” She shouted, hands shooting out in defense. Though she quickly shrank back, tugging at her hands again. “Uh well. I did mention it to Rebecca? Connally? But she was pretty drunk and I don’t think she even knew who you were.”

 

Michael stayed silent, chewing the inside of his lip. That night… He really didn’t want it getting out. And now Jeremy would have questions. And with the way they left the table it was all but obvious Jenna had been talking about Michael. They would know. And Jeremy would ask what happened. And he’d blame himself. And he already thinks Michael is hiding something from him, _which he is_ , but that’s beside the point and-

 

A loud clap pulled him out, where Jenna was watching him with worried eyes. “Michael? Are you back?”

 

He flushed, nodding slightly. Only then did he realise his breathing was quick and hands were gripping his jacket tightly. Michael took a deep breath, forcing his hands to relax. “Yeah. Sorry.” He really needed to stop doing this shit mid conversation. Michael cleared his throat, shoving his hands back into the pocket of his hoodie. “I uhm. Look. Don’t worry about it. Just don’t tell anyone about it, okay?”

 

“Uhm alright. But Michael?”

 

He looked down at her with a chunk of skin still trapped beneath his teeth. Is this a new tick? He should probably stop that.

 

“If uhm. You wanna talk or anything, I’m here, okay? You were getting a little panicky there. We’ll think of something to tell the group, so don’t worry.”

 

She had a sweet smile and hands on her hips, like she just knew things would work out. Michael suppressed the smile it tried to ring from him.

 

He drew back slightly combatting her positivity. How could everything be okay? He was found out. There was no way they wouldn’t catch on. Michael took a deep breath before he could start to panic again. “Why are- of course they’re going to know. I fuckin practically ran out of there. What other hints are there to give?”

 

“Hmm well we could say it was one of your friends and you didn’t want me sharing who?”

 

Michael gave a short laugh, shaking his head. “Jeremy is my only friend.”

 

Jenna frowned. “Are we not friends?”

 

His breath got caught in his throat. _This fucking group_ . At this rate, Michael would somehow go from one friend to twenty all by monday. “U-uh. I don’t… I don’t know. You _were_ just about to gossip about me.”

 

Jenna shrank back against the school wall, crossing her arms. “I’m sorry about that. I wasn’t thinking. I just uhh I just share things? I’m the local gossip rag ya know? I won’t do it again though, I promise! Even if you don’t see it, I consider you one of my friends, Michael. You’ve never been mean to me. And I shouldn’t have even brought up that night….”

 

This was apparently feelings week because Michael was shaking his head, kicking her feet lightly to gain her attention. He didn’t look at her however. “It’s uhm. It’s okay. I get that you didn’t mean to. And uh yeah. Sorry I kicked you. At the table.”

 

A loud laugh brought up his attention as Jenna held her stomach. She grinned at him and Michael for the life of him couldn’t figure out why. “Dude, it’s totally fine! I’ve had way worse done to me for accidentally spilling, don’t worry. It didn’t even hurt that bad, just took me by surprise.”

 

This time he let the smile tug at his lips, shifting in his spot. “We should probably get back before they start making up rumors.”

 

Jenna nodded, but as she went to leave, she paused, turning back around to look up at Michael. “Hey uh. Why were you and Jeremy fighting? If you don’t mind me asking. You don’t have to tell me. Actually I shouldn’t have asked, I’m sorry just old habits die hard and-”

 

Michael cut her off with a wave of his hand. He looked away but refused to let his depression pull him back under right now. Despite this, a worried frown formed on his face. “It’s uhm. I won’t go into detail, but it had a lot to do with the SQUIP.”

 

“Oh. Okay! Hey, do you think we can pull off saying it was rebecca in there crying?”

 

Michael chuckled, shaking his head. “I’d like to believe I don’t sound like a girl.”

 

“Ohh shoot. True.” She seemed to think for a moment before banging her closed fist on an open palm, signifying an idea. “I got it! Alex broke up with Rebecca that week right? So we can just say it was Alex in there! You guys have English together right?” Michael nodded, watching this brilliant girl solve his problems in a second. “Sooo we just say he mentioned to you that he was upset about it and it was him in the bathroom and you didn’t want me sharing!”

 

“What if they ask Alex about it?” Michael countered.

 

Jenna rolled her eyes. “They did actually break up. Alex would deny it regardless. It’ll be fine dude!” SHe raised her hand for a hive five before hesitating, hand faltering. “Oh uhh haha sorry. Got a little ahead of myself there.”

 

But michael laughed shaking his head, slapping their hands together before she had a chance to lower it completely. “You’re a good friend, Jenna. Thanks.”

 

“I’m your friend?” Michael couldn’t ignore the sparkle in her eyes, like she couldn’t believe someone was calling her a friend. Michael vaguely wondered what was so magical about him of all people wanting to be your friend, but he wasn’t going to be the one to crush this sweet girl’s spirits.

 

He nodded, pushing his hands back into his pockets with a grin. “If you want to be.”

 

Jenna bounced in place, nodding, pulling Michael down into a hug. He froze slightly but honestly she seemed to be made of warmth, because he quickly seeped into it, circling his arms around her as well. “Ahh! Of course I want to be friends! This is great! Hey do you wanna have a sleep over? We can invite Christine and we can _talk_ and paint nails- can I paint your nails? I know they’re black already but I think-”

 

“Jenna!” Michael shouted, catching her attention. Jenna flushed and pulled back.

 

“Uhm. Sorry. I get excited.”

 

He shook his head, gesturing for her to follow him out to the front of the school before lunch ended.   


“Dude, it’s fine. But uhh I’ll have to ask my mom about girls staying over. I may be gay but she’s still weird about that.”

 

“Oh okay! I get that! You’re gay? I didn’t know that. So if anything, you guys can stay at my house then. It’ll be a blast!”

 

So now he had four friends. In just as many days. _What a week_.

 

What he didn’t know was a certain pair of eyes glaring at the two from across the parking lot.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Heeyyy long time no see! I'm still alive lol sorry, I've just been busy. I'm writing the next chapter as we speak, but with the holidays and during idk when I'll get it out. In light of this though, I just got my first apartment!!! That's right kiddos! Jessi is Movin on up in the world! Hope everyone is having a great day, and I hope this chapter came out to your expectations :) bye guys

**Author's Note:**

> Hi! Let me know if I should continue this! I'm still pretty new to the fandom, so If I got anything wrong please let me know :) But anyway, yeah. Thanks for reading! Hope everyone had an amazing day <3


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